I am terrified of Steve joining the military. He wants to join the Air Force, and from what I know... the Air Force is the safest. It's obviously not 100% safe, but it's better than the Marines or Army. Steve even wants to do the exact same thing that my dad has done for the last 25+ years and either my parents sheltered me, or my dad never really came close to being in life-threatening danger. He was outside Baghdad for about 6 months though. I'm really hoping they didn't shelter me because I honestly could have handled it.
The thing is, I am absolutely addicted to my husband. I can't stay mad at him for very long and I have to be in his arms daily. He's the same way, but for some reason he thinks we would be fine during his basic training and then the 8 or more months while he's training before he actually starts his job. I can't be with him during either of those times, and visits would be rare, I'm sure.
I am just so scared that it would be his fate to die in the military even though no one I know has died for that reason. The last few generations of my family have been in the military and they've all retired and lived long, happy lives. So I really don't know where my fear comes from. I know that my fear is irrational. I also know that if God wants Steve to leave this Earth at a certain point, then it is going to happen whether he's in the military or not. No one knows how long we have on this Earth so I think I would just rather spend as much time as I can with my husband should anything happen. I can't exactly do that if he's halfway across the world.
Mostly though, I need my daily fix and I don't know if I could deal with not getting it. I've talked to a lot of women who have a boyfriend/fiance/husband in one of the branches. They all says it's hard. They all tell me how much they worry. They all tell me it gets better if you find things to keep yourself distracted with hobbies and friends. I don't want to have to distract myself. I don't want my life with my husband to be hard. I don't want to have limited time with him before he gets sent off on yet another temp. duty. I want us to both go to college and get awesome jobs where the longest we could possibly be away from each other is like two weeks for some type of business trip. I can handle two weeks of one of us being in a separate part of the U.S. I doubt I can handle him being in the middle east. I can't just fly over there if something happened.
He really wants to join because he wants all the benefits for us. He loves the F-22 and wants to work with it. However, he's also an amazing artist. He also loves working on sets for plays and such. He could easily get a degree if he set his mind to it. He could even just get his act together and promote himself all over the internet. He's so freaking good that he designed a logo for a local business when he was 16 or 17. He's so good that my coworker asked him to make a design to put on shirts for a squad (or whatever it's called) of Navy guys. He could go places in life without being in the military. He doesn't want the student loan that comes with a degree though, which I understand, but I would rather have a loan than be alone for half of our marriage.
He's also a gamer. I think he would really enjoy making video games. He has a lot of great ideas, and he creates awesome looking monsters/aliens that could be the villain. Again, though, he'd have to go to school and get a student loan.
It's constantly up for debate with us. He needs to lose 20 lbs before he can join, so it's not like he could join tomorrow. Maybe I'll just keep feeding him fattening foods so he can't lose those 20 lbs no matter how much he runs. It could work. ;)
**Image from here: http://azuzephre.deviantart.com/
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