The next step

When Steve and I were first together, some of my friends had a hard time understanding why I included him in most of my decisions or at least discussed them with him. They saw it as getting permission. They didn't like the "control" he seemed to have over me.

Now that they are getting to the next step - serious boyfriends, engaged and married - I hope that they now understand. I was way ahead of most of my friends and I've lost a few because of it. It was hard for me, trying to make them understand and also trying to see where they were coming from, trying to make all sides happy, including my own side.

I just want them to know that I'm so super excited for them as they journey into the next stage of their own lives! I'm always here to listen to the happy, fun retelling of an event or even the rant of a pet peeve. I'm here.

What do you mean MONDAY???

We went to see the recruiter today so Steve could weigh in. He's at 216 now.

The recruiter said he could take the ASVAB on Monday.

MONDAY.

As in 6 days from today. That means all the paperwork will start next week. Which means... I'll lose my husband for 9 weeks soon.

I'm not a happy girl.

But yes, I am proud of him.

I'm just not looking forward to missing out on my daily hits of hugs, kisses and cuddles.

Jasmine vs plastic bag

Whenever we go grocery shopping, we ball up the grocery bags as we empty them and toss them across the room because Jasmine loves to chase them.

I went to Target a few days ago to pick up a few things and threw my bag at Jasmine. Then I was being lazy and didn't ever pick it up. That was just fine with her! She ended up pushing it around the room with her nose for hours in little spurts. I think she was trying to get under it.

She has since flattened it out and uses it as her bed - even though she has a bed.

Sometimes, when she is going back to it, she pounces and just starts gnawing on it.

She did manage to get inside it at one point.

Simple Painting

This is my painting for the bathroom. It's actually lighter than it looks, but I didn't have the flash on. I like swirly designs. I don't want the typical ocean bathroom. I plan to do another with bubbles and a quote.

And those are the colors I plan to keep in my bathroom as far as towels and rugs go, so I figured I'd tie them together.

It's simple with no texture, but that's why I like it.

Feeling like a plastic bag

Katy Perry's latest song says "Do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind. wanting to start again? Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin like a house of cards, one blow from caving in? Do you ever feel already buried deep, six feet under, scream, but no one seems to hear a thing?"

I've felt that way. I know many others have to, or that song wouldn't have any meaning. People relate to it. It's such an inspiring song, too. Those who don't "get" feeling like a paper bag are very, very lucky and blessed.

For the most part, I don't feel like that anymore. I have the best husband, and a wonderful family.

But when you're surrounded by nothing but liars, cheats, druggies and just over all horrible people that you should be able to count on, you feel like a house of cards, on the verge of caving in. When you are constantly being punished for things you didn't do, or things that are normal to do, you begin to feel like what's the point? Nothing you do is good enough. When you have a big event such as a clarinet recital, or choir concert, or even graduation and the people who are supposed to care for you don't show up because what? You're not worth it. When all these things build up and you begin to feel empty inside... that's what feeling like a plastic bag drifting through the wind is. Just going through life. Going through the motions. You're wrong if you get upset, and you're horrible if you get excited. You're not allowed to have an opinion, and you're most certainly not allowed to stand up for yourself.

The times that I do still feel like that? When I think about giving birth. Second to my husband, I want the mother I had when I was a little girl to be there. I don't want what she has become now anywhere near me, but when I was little I really bonded with her. I could tell her anything. I felt like she was truly there for me.

My step mom, she's great, amazing even. But she's still not her. I was taught in the beginning to hate her, and so I feel like she and I never got close. Of course, once my naivete wore off, and I stopped trusting my mother, and started getting to know my step-mom, I saw how great she is.

I didn't make that same mistake with AL (I call her my third mother). By the time AL came into my life through my step-dad (well... ex-step-dad) I had learned to not listen to my mom and I've loved AL from the very beginning.

Even though I have these great moms and these great dads, I still want my childhood mom there for me in my next big events. She's gone though, and when I think about that, I start to feel like that stupid plastic bag. Of course, then my daddy randomly texts me that he loves me or my husband kisses me on the forehead and that moment passes and I'm aware of how truly blessed I am... how great I am... and that I am worth it. Those from my past are just too blind to see it.

12:34

Do you ever get excited when you see things line up? Like the time, for example? I love glancing at the clock to see 12:34. Or 11:11. I don't make a wish like some people do, but I still enjoy it. I'm kind of OCD about certain things, and so when things naturally line up, it just makes me happy. I know, I'm strange.

Sailor Moon being republished!

I know MOST of you don't give a crap, but I LOVE Sailor Moon. It's coming back to the US! It's been out of print and impossible to get for so long! And mine are sadly falling apart. So I'm super excited to get my hands on these! Especially with the prequel FINALLY being translated into English. I'm excited to get to work so I can look it up in our system and get the release date rather than a vague "September." :)

News Release

Payday

*Goes to get paycheck*

"Don't spend it all in one place."

"The other K******. This is Laura's, but I'll take it." (We have the same last name)

*Hands me the right check* "You can spend that one all in one place. Treat yourself to something nice."

"How's your day been?"

"It's been rough. Hey, you wanna work?"

"I'm not dressed." (I'm wearing a tee, jeans and open toed shoes all of which are no-no's)

"That's okay. Wanna work for two hours?"

*Shrug* "Okay."

Fastest shift EVER

Irreconcilable Differences

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.

-George Levinger

Many divorces state irreconcilable differences as the reason for their divorce. I'm not sure I understand how they got to that point, unless they rushed the marriage in Vegas or something. You should always ALWAYS discuss the big things with your partner before you get married - children, religion, money, politics, morals and values, and so on.

Divorce has never been an option for me. So I made sure that Steve and I were compatible. We're not 100% compatible, and we don't see eye to eye on everything, but we know how to compromise. I'm pretty sure it's impossible to be 100% compatible anyway, and if it is possible... how boring!

I like that we're different enough to keep things interesting. He always wants to try new things - food, places, etc. - and I almost never want to. He brings it out in me and I've discovered a lot of new things to like.

He's WAY laid back and chill about everything. I worry about everything. While I bring the realism out in him, he brings out the optimism in me.

Of course, there are some things that one of us has to cave completely. Him joining the Air Force is one. I don't want him to join. Period. But, it's what he wants to do and it will benefit our family in the long run. So I caved. When I have a child, I refuse to breast feed. His mother drilled it into him that there should be no other way. Well I disagree. It's my body. I have the say, and he's conceded to it.

So when it comes to major things like that, and we can't make a compromise, we weigh the pros and cons and come to a decision even if it takes months to make that decision.

I think a lot of the "irreconcilable differences" comes from stubbornness, and always being right, always being in control. Once stubbornness comes into play, trust and respect start to fall apart. If only those people could learn to let go and give in once in awhile.

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

- Marianne Williamson

Girlishness

I love being a girl.

I painted my toe nails a few nights ago, and whenever I look at them I smile. They are "pop apricot" which is a very bright pink. They remind me of spring and summer and it just makes me excited! But they also make me feel so girly. :)

I also tried on a skirt that I bought a long time ago and haven't been able to wear. It fits! Yay! Now I just need to get some closed-toe flats to wear with it so I can wear it to work. No open toed shoes allowed. :b Which really sucks because I have some super cute shoes from my time working at a shoe store!

Which brings me to shoes... haha. I love being able to wear strappy sandals and heels. Oh, and earrings. I'm really into hoops right now, and large dangling earrings.

And I like all the delicate looking things. Bracelets, necklaces, lace, silk. Yep.

I hate bugs, dirt, and the like.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I'm as a girly as girly can get.

Backwards

Whenever I want more shifts, no one calls or texts me to take any.

Whenever I don't want extra shifts, EVERYBODY calls me and texts me.

What's up with that?

I get phone calls at work "Is your store closing?" at least once per week.

No! We're not closing! We didn't file bankruptcy.

And when I have something to do, the phone constantly rings.

When I have nothing to do, silence.

It's always backwards!

I like to torture cats

I put a leash on Jasmine today and took her outside because it's not freezing.

She didn't like it too much, even though she used to sneak out of my in-laws house every chance she got.

I haven't been playing with her much lately and so she's been being a brat and getting into things. So I figured a little torture would make her more appreciative haha. Don't worry, it was only 5 minutes.

I'm hoping to get her a companion puppy within the next year or so once we are settled at whatever base we'll be sent to. Or maybe during tech school if it's going to be a long time. Who knows? I just feel bad because she always seems to be so bored!

I can be a spoiled brat

My step-dad dealt with 3 women in the house. Our bath tub had a drain that caught hair very easily. So he was always telling us to clean it out. I don’t recall doing it more than a few times though. I hated to touch my mother’s and my sister’s hair. It was disgusting.

Now, my husband and I have the same type of drain. I don’t normally shed as much as I have in the last year, and it’s only been so much because of a medication I was on. Nasty side effects. Thankfully, my hair loss amount is starting to get back to the norm.

My husband and I got into a fight the other night because I won’t clean my hair out of the drain, which means he’s always doing it and he’s tired of it. I told him to stop doing it then, but he said he can’t because then it would never be done. I just shrugged it off. It then escalated and we both went to bed angry/annoyed with each other.

We never really resolved it, but by the next night we were back to normal because I made him laugh about something, which in turn made me laugh. And all was forgotten.

I know I can be a spoiled brat, but I’m thankful to have such a wonderful and loving husband.

Swimming

We've gotten back into swimming again now that it's not below freezing during the day anymore!

I'm still thinking I need to get a swim cap. I hate my hair smelling like chlorine, but I'm not a "real" swimmer, and so I would feel silly wearing one.

I wish I could just find some really good shampoo and conditioner designed for that purpose.

Anyway, I like jumping in the pool and jacuzzi after work. It feels nice after being on my feet all day! :) And it makes me even more tired so I fall asleep better and faster. It's nice.

This is our pool.