Think about it... you meet a nice guy at Starbucks, a bookstore or anywhere. You could even date him for a while before he gets comfortable and turns into a complete psycho. By psycho I mean any or all of the following: possessive, controlling, abusive in any or all ways, a serial killer or simply the complete opposite of who he was pretending to be. There are plenty of women and even men who have experienced this, and long before computers were ever around, too. My point is that people can pretend to be whoever they want, on the internet or face to face. Just because you are face to face with the person doesn't mean they don't have a mask on or that you should just swallow what they say as truth.
Of course, there are those that are lying about everything from the very beginning. They could be married and just looking for a fling, whether or not you ever meet face to face. The thing is, people get involved, have a relationship and only after being confronted by the spouse do they even know they were living with a married man or woman. That just causes heart-ache all around. Online daters aren't cheaters. Cheaters are cheaters. Perverts are perverts. Liars are liars. Simply being online does not make you into any of these things.
I believe online dating to be a wonderful thing. It's great for people who are shy or socially awkward. It's good for people who are self-conscious, even if it's for a silly reason. It's good for people who have been unsuccessful in their own town/city/state and sometimes country. It just opens you up to more people.
I think that online dating builds the foundation for great communication skills if the relationship continues forward, and even in relationships already established. If you're not going to be meeting right away, all you have is communication. Whether it's chatting on a messenger, video chatting or talking on the phone. That's all you have. You can't read body language (well maybe with video chatting). There's not really any room for head games. You have to use your words to express yourself.
Can you fall in love without meeting face to face? Absolutely. You're getting to know this person, and personality still comes through. Once you do meet, you know who you're meeting. It's extremely hard to be away from the person you love. Ask any military personnel and their spouses. Ask business men and women who travel a lot. It's hard. It can be done though, so long as you have the patience and decide the person is worth it.
Keep in mind that not all online relationships have to be romantic. You can make all kinds of friends, even life-long best friends from all over the world. This is great if you have a hobby or just need a support network of people going through things you are going through.
Tips for being safe online:
- Get pictures. Make sure it's an up to date picture by asking them to pose a certain way, or wear a certain hat.
- Video chat. Seeing the person on the other side of that screen, shows that it really is them.
- Talk on the phone.
- Ask lots of questions, and be aware of self-contradictions
- Be honest about yourself.
- Don't rush into face-to-face contact.
- Be suspicious of anyone who tries to pressure you into doing anything you don't want to.
- If/when you do meet, have your first few meetings in a populated, public place and maybe bring a friend along.
If you're a parent reading this because you caught your teen online talking to/flirting with someone they don't know personally, talk to them about it. Be open-minded. Don't freak out. Listen to your teen. Ask to talk to the person if you think it's becoming too serious. Get to know the kid a little before you jump to conclusions and ban them from talking. Ask for proof of who they are, (Video chatting) I understand the need to protect your child from predators. There are decent webcams out there for $15. No excuses.
One last piece of advice for parents, and those in online relationships... trust your gut.
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