Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Marriage in the media is so wrong

I realized today that there really isn't anything in the media about marriage. Yes, there are wedding shows, but that's all about the wedding day. There are movies about falling in love, and movies about getting married or at least ending with marriage. Then suddenly, it jumps to movies with kids. Those movies are always about the kids!

I realize that once you have kids, your life is pretty much taken over by them, but at the same time, you are still married. You are still two different people. I think a lot of marriages end in divorce because the parents forget to focus on each other and themselves, and not just the kids.

I know that movies/shows about the every day life of a husband and wife would be pretty boring. There's not a whole lot to explore in a happy relationship as far as entertainment goes. Other than jokes and the awkwardness of suddenly sharing everything about you with someone, there's not much to leave an audience wanting more, even if you are the funnest couple ever.

Sitcoms that focus more on the family as a whole, the marriage of the parents is... such a downer to me. The wife is portrayed as smarter, and generally better. She's always the one to chastise him. She never makes mistakes. She can be supermom and have an awesome career without ever getting weighed down. It's so uneven and so unfair.

That's not a real marriage, or at least not a healthy one. You're partners. You both make mistakes. You both get overwhelmed. You both want to have fun. You both need time to yourselves, and you both need time together.

You don't lose your identity because you are married. Yes, things change and you change too. But it's natural to evolve and adapt as your surroundings change. You don't lose yourself to your new role as a wife, or your new role as a father the instant they occur until the day you die, rather you've added a new side to you.

If you feel like you have lost yourself, take some time each day or at least each week to pursue something you love. For me, it's watching silly TV shows like the Vampire Diaries, or reading manga, or editing Sailor Moon into random music videos. (We won't discuss how childish my me-time is.) My husband likes to play his video games, draw and paintball with his friends. We're still us though. We do just about everything together, and we're pretty much a packaged deal - unless it's a girls night, or a friend simply needs him. Even though we are so intertwined, we haven't lost ourselves and that is what makes us stronger. Don't be afraid to pursue your dreams. The best part about marriage is that you have your own personal cheerleader sharing the same bed.

I just hate the way media generally portrays marriage. It's not all about the kids. It's not all about fighting. Not everyone gives up on marriage when there is a lot of fighting. Even if you fall out of love, that doesn't give you the right to chase after other people for the thrill and butterflies of being in love. Once you've been with them long enough, you'll see their flaws too. It's just a vicious cycle. Being in love is great, wonderful, amazing! and there are always ways to get back to that, but you have to know that it's not the only criteria for a happy, successful marriage. There are greater things to be valued - trust, friendship, loyalty, honesty, etc. I wish more people understood this, and didn't give up so easily. Maybe the divorce rate would be lower, and marriage would again hold more value to the general populace.

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