Day 12: Plain and Unremarkable

Something You Never Get Compliments On

I don't do much with my hair. Only if someone ends up touching it somehow do they notice how soft it is. That I do get complimented on.

I'm not a trend setter when it comes to fashion, nor am I into fashion. I always wear jeans. I don't wear T-shirts though, and I'm far too young for blouses. I hate that word. Blouse. *shiver*

I don't accessorize. I usually wear the same simple necklace, and usually stud earrings. I don't wear belts, and I think they look retarded when worn OVER a shirt, especially when they sit right under your boobs. I also hate flowers in the hair! Worse when you can tell they are cheap and fake!

I don't wear amazing new shoes everyday. I hate walking in heels. I'm tall enough already, I don't need a heel. I like shoes. I really do. I just don't need a million pairs. I really like ballet flats, but I sadly only have one pair. I'm actually kicking myself for not buying these super cute plaid ones, but they are long gone.

Without showing off any talents I do have, people don't know I have them. So someone isn't going to just walk up to me and say something about it.

And last but not least. I don't get compliments on my body. No one would ever consider me skinny. I'm not considered obese either, but our society has a set image in mind when it comes to beauty and I just don't qualify.

Day 11: I’m Not Stuck Up

Something People Compliment You The Most On

My smile. I don't have a remarkable smile. I think the reason I get compliments on it is because when I'm not smiling, I look so serious and kind of mean. I'm much more approachable when I smile. My friends tell me that before they got to know me they thought I was stuck up. I'm not. I'm just quiet because I'm insecure. I want people to like me, and don't want to be rejected. So I stay quiet. Once you do talk to me though, I smile a lot.

Day 10: Goodbye, Mom

Someone You Need to Let Go, or Wish You Didn't Know

I can't say I wish I didn't know her because up until I was about 14, she was pretty awesome. We fought a lot, but most mothers and daughters do. She fell apart when her second marriage fell apart. This might be crazy to you, but I'm still pretty darn close to my step-dad. He's been a part of my life since I was 4. Just because she was having issues didn't mean I had to let him go, so I didn't. He's amazing and I love him. He's the main reason we went to Montana for a visit this summer.

This post isn't about him though. For the first time in 6 years, I talked to my mom the other night and I got no where with her. Absolutely no where, and it breaks my heart. The only thing I gained from our conversation was a few answers and some closure.

I needed to know if she loved me, and missed me. I needed to know if she ever thought about me. And most importantly, I needed to know how my beautiful, wonderful little niece was doing. Thankfully, she's doing wonderful and has a real passion for God. I couldn't be happier!

Still I got no where. I was able to tell her some of the anger I held with her, as well as let her know that I forgive her. I forgive her of everything, except one thing. And because I couldn't forgive this one thing, she refuses to let the past be the past. She and I can't have a relationship because of it.

It basically boils down to this. She hasn't changed a bit. After our conversation, I emailed her two pictures - one of me and her son-in-law she'll never meet, and one of just me. She emailed me back with "Manipulation... attempt at guilt trip... vague details to try to intrigue me enough to feel bad... Goodbye my Jessica."

While I don't want to let her go, because she is my mom, I am letting her go. She is a part of my past. I went against the advice I was given to not talk to her, but I had to try. I had to try one last time and I did my best. I'm letting her go for good, and I'm giving it all to God.

Day 9: Past and Present Friends

Someone You Didn't Want To Let Go, But Just Drifted

I had to think about this one, because there are a lot of people that I have drifted away from. Most of them unintentionally. I'm a military brat. In my short life with my dad, he moved 4 times. My birth mom moved twice. Really, it wasn't that often, but still enough. Since going out into the world on my own, I have lived in 3 different states.

My best friends in Idaho from when I was younger were AT, RM and RJ. AT and RM, I'm still in semi-contact with through Facebook. RJ and I haven't spoken since I was eleven. We had a huge fight, and I had decided to live with my birth mom in Montana. So I never saw her again.

My best friends in Montana from middle school were AM, MM and SM (none of them are related). AM and I are distant. We're friends, but we're not nearly as close as we used to be. MM and I have basically stayed the same through all our differences. I still consider her my best friend. SM's now in California somewhere, and we don't have much in common these days.

My best friends in Utah from high school were CC and AG. I've always felt like a third wheel with them. They were best friends before I moved there to live with my dad. Still, they've been great friends. Although currently, I think AG and I are just a little closer than we used to be, while the opposite is true with CC. It happens and is certainly fixable. The rest of my friends that I made in Utah... we're connected through Facebook, but not really friends anymore. While I'd like to see them again, I really don't think we'd have much to talk about.

Then I moved back to Montana where I met SH and CL. SH is also another that I still consider a best friend. In fact, she was my maid of honor. I can talk to her about anything, and she gets it. She usually knows what to say to make me feel better, and vice versa. She's mother to my "nephew" whom I adore. CL and I became super close, super fast. It was awesome. However, she didn't like my boyfriend (husband) and so we drifted. In her defense, Steve was pretty much a jerk to everyone except me back then.

My husband (boyfriend) and I later decided to move to South Dakota to be near his family. There, I met NB, TB, MMK, SJ, SJP, CG and ET. Now I'm not close with all of them, but I sure do miss them. Had we stayed, I'm sure I would have developed amazing friendships with these ladies. Maybe I still can with some of them, but I hope I never lose my NB or SJ

I guess I have a tendency to drift away from people as I move forward in life. Now that I'm older though, I plan to make an effort to not lose contact with those that are still in my life. Not only that, but keep the connection deeper than surface level. It'll be a challenge, but I'm willing to do take it on.

Day 8: I’ve Been Seriously Hurt And Damaged

Someone Who Has Made Your Life Hell

My mom, and my older sister. I know what they have done, and they know what they have done. They are no longer a part of my life. I don't talk to many people about it, and it's not something that I think you need to know, my lovely blog readers.

1. I don't want/need your pity/sympathy.

2. It makes me sad and angry.

3. It's part of a past that I'm trying to let go.

Otherwise, I've been blessed to have wonderful people in my life. I was never bullied in school. I've never had a bad boyfriend. I've never had bad friends. Excluding my birth mom and her side, my family is amazing, kind and loving.

Marriage in the media is so wrong

I realized today that there really isn't anything in the media about marriage. Yes, there are wedding shows, but that's all about the wedding day. There are movies about falling in love, and movies about getting married or at least ending with marriage. Then suddenly, it jumps to movies with kids. Those movies are always about the kids!

I realize that once you have kids, your life is pretty much taken over by them, but at the same time, you are still married. You are still two different people. I think a lot of marriages end in divorce because the parents forget to focus on each other and themselves, and not just the kids.

I know that movies/shows about the every day life of a husband and wife would be pretty boring. There's not a whole lot to explore in a happy relationship as far as entertainment goes. Other than jokes and the awkwardness of suddenly sharing everything about you with someone, there's not much to leave an audience wanting more, even if you are the funnest couple ever.

Sitcoms that focus more on the family as a whole, the marriage of the parents is... such a downer to me. The wife is portrayed as smarter, and generally better. She's always the one to chastise him. She never makes mistakes. She can be supermom and have an awesome career without ever getting weighed down. It's so uneven and so unfair.

That's not a real marriage, or at least not a healthy one. You're partners. You both make mistakes. You both get overwhelmed. You both want to have fun. You both need time to yourselves, and you both need time together.

You don't lose your identity because you are married. Yes, things change and you change too. But it's natural to evolve and adapt as your surroundings change. You don't lose yourself to your new role as a wife, or your new role as a father the instant they occur until the day you die, rather you've added a new side to you.

If you feel like you have lost yourself, take some time each day or at least each week to pursue something you love. For me, it's watching silly TV shows like the Vampire Diaries, or reading manga, or editing Sailor Moon into random music videos. (We won't discuss how childish my me-time is.) My husband likes to play his video games, draw and paintball with his friends. We're still us though. We do just about everything together, and we're pretty much a packaged deal - unless it's a girls night, or a friend simply needs him. Even though we are so intertwined, we haven't lost ourselves and that is what makes us stronger. Don't be afraid to pursue your dreams. The best part about marriage is that you have your own personal cheerleader sharing the same bed.

I just hate the way media generally portrays marriage. It's not all about the kids. It's not all about fighting. Not everyone gives up on marriage when there is a lot of fighting. Even if you fall out of love, that doesn't give you the right to chase after other people for the thrill and butterflies of being in love. Once you've been with them long enough, you'll see their flaws too. It's just a vicious cycle. Being in love is great, wonderful, amazing! and there are always ways to get back to that, but you have to know that it's not the only criteria for a happy, successful marriage. There are greater things to be valued - trust, friendship, loyalty, honesty, etc. I wish more people understood this, and didn't give up so easily. Maybe the divorce rate would be lower, and marriage would again hold more value to the general populace.

Day 7: My Number One

Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living

That would have to be my cat, Jasmine.

Just kidding.

It's actually this guy, right here.

I've known him since I was 15. We met on Gaia. It's a forum/game. I fell for him pretty fast. I admit that my initial attraction to him was his looks.

But the more we talked, the harder and harder I fell. I could talk to him about anything and everything, and vice versa. He went through all the crap I went through with my mom with me. I am grateful that he got to speak to her, and my older sister. I three-way called her once so she could "meet" him when I was 16. As much as I dislike her, I still love her and I'm glad she met him.

After I left for college and moved in with my best friend, he came to visit for Christmas. It was when we officially met. He moved in shortly after that, met my parents the following summer, and asked my dad if he could marry me. We got married a year and a half later, and have now been married for 2 years.

We've kind of grown up together. I've seen him at his most childish, immature moments, and I've seen him at his best. He's seen mine. We know each other. We understand each other. We support each other. We love, care about, and respect each other. We're very fortunate to have met so young, and to be strong enough to get through the rough patches as we get to know not only each other, but ourselves individually. We were meant for each other. "'Til death do we part" is exactly right, physically anyway. There's no messing with our bond.

On a side note... if you're thinking about dating online, or using a matchmaking site, please read my tips about safety.

New Feature! “According to my husband…”

Yes, my first feature to appear on a regular basis. "According to my husband..." or "ATMH" will appear weekly on Sundays. They may or may not (usually will be) ridiculous things my husband has come up with. On to our first ever...

According to my husband Facebook has 2 purposes. 1. To brag to friends and family about my cooking skills. 2. To post pictures of things he finds fascinating, stupid, or extremely odd while out and about in the world.

For example:

"Jessica made these a few days ago. They are essentially eggs, bacon and toast all in one. Like a breakfast sandwich, but in muffin form! They were delicious."

Or this:

"I think they are trying to say it's for cats."

He really doesn't use facebook for anything else. What a shame. To his 70 friends... I'm sorry. At least he's not addicted to ridiculous games like Farmville!

Day 6: I Refuse To Bury Them

Something You Hope You Never Have To Do

I hope I never have to attend the funerals of my husband or my little sister.

My little sister is 8 years younger than me, and even if she was just a year younger than me, she's still younger. Therefore, she's not allowed to die before me. I would miss her too much.

For obvious reasons, I can't imagine living my life without my husband. It's one of the many reasons I married him. He's my other half. I love him. I don't think I'd survive if I lost him. He doesn't think it's fair if I die first. Either we die together, or we live forever.

Day 5: Italy… We Will Meet Someday!

Something You Hope To Do In Your Life

This is going to be a really short and simple answer, but it's something I truly want to do. I want to go to Italy with my husband. Our finances won't allow us to go, and I know they won't in the next 5 years. Probably not in the next 10 either, but I really hope we can go to Italy one day.

Day 4: Forgiveness, But Not Trust

Something You Need to Forgive Someone For

Last weekend, I was inspired to try and get in contact with my birth mom. I haven't spoken to her since I was seventeen because of all the things she's done. Mostly, she abandoned me. She chose a horrible, horrible man over me. A man that she's not even with anymore. Yet she still hasn't tried to contact me. I think that I am finally able to forgive her. If she chooses to be a part of my life... even though I forgive her, I'm not sure I will ever trust her again. I keep a close eye on my credit reports because of her. Last I knew of her, she had few morals and values left.

Forgiving her for everything she has done is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Sometimes I wonder if I really have because thinking about her still hurts like crazy.

Day 3: Steve Was Not My First

Something You Need to Forgive Yourself For

Before I met my husband, I slept with someone. I don't even talk to the guy anymore. It was a mistake, and I knew it before it even happened. I let it happen anyway. I wish I had been strong enough to say no. I wish I could have given that to my husband. I like to pretend I did, but we both know the truth. It's not something I can change, but it's something I do regret. I'm not sure I'm ready to forgive myself, but it is something I need to forgive

Day 2: God is Everywhere

Something You Love About Yourself

I love a lot of things about myself. To pick just one, man! Just kidding, k?

I love my ability to see God in everything. I didn't always have that. I mean, I did, I just chose to ignore it I guess. I've finally opened myself up to Him, and as a result, I see Him in everything.

I think I have a strange relationship with God, though. I pray, but not the way most people seem to. A lot of them are more like conversations. I'm not crazy. I don't hear the voice of God in my head or anything, but I feel comforted knowing that He hears me.

I don't feel comfortable being all formal in my prayer like they are in church. I ask for guidance, forgiveness and answers in the same way I suppose, and I thank Him. I respect Him and I'm in awe of Him. I worship Him, and Him alone, but that formality just bothers me. Yes, He's my king of kings, my savior, my everything, but it's a personal relationship between me and Him. Formality is for strangers, and that's not how I see God.

Back to my point, I see God in little things like the leaves changing color or a silly thing like my cat pawing at me for attention. I see Him in the love that I have for the pain in the butt that she is. I see God in a laugh, a smile. I see Him in the bigger things like our decision to move here. I kept changing my mind, but then something small would happen, or someone would say something out of the blue that made me go back to thinking it was where we needed to be next.

I see God in my husband's love for me, and the love I have for my husband. Feeling so secure in that love, and understanding the love we have for each other helps me understand just a little bit better God's love for all of us. Through my husband's love and pure acceptance of me, I have a clearer picture of how God sees me. Within true love there is complete trust. Even in my imperfections there is redemption, grace, and reconciliation. I know my husband will not abandon me, as I know my God will not abandon me.

I know that I will never truly understand why God loves me so much that he would send His son to die for me, but as I get to know Him better, I better understand that love. I'm just so thankful to know Him, and to finally have my heart and eyes open to Him. I love that I see Him everywhere!

Day 1: Afraid to be Myself

Something You Hate About Yourself

Where do I begin? No, just kidding. Although, on bad days, the list can be pretty long. Everyone has bad days where they feel like that. Today is not one of those days though, so let's see...

I hate that I'm so scared to be myself around others. Very few people have seen the real me. I can only think of five people, and I've known them all (except my husband) since I was in middle school.

I'm very silly. I make up my own sound effects. I sing at the top of my lungs when my favorite songs come on. I dance around my apartment, with or without my cat, while I'm cleaning or doing the dishes. I'm witty. I'm clever. I'm quick to pick up on a joke, even though I don't always join in. I love baking and cooking in general. I cry when I'm really happy or excited, also when I'm really sad or hurt.

People don't know these things about me because I don't let them. I'm scared of rejection. I miss the closeness that AM and I had when we lived together because she really knows me and she really gets me. I hate how hard it is to make those connections as an adult.

I wish I knew how to let the real me out. I'm not at all serious, or quiet, or reserved. I love singing and dancing! I love playing games, and going on adventures! I mean, look at how much I have moved. I hate being so afraid

Challenge? Yes, please!

I've been trying to post every day for the last 10 days because I really don't have anything better to do once my husband leaves for work. Nothing terribly interesting has been happening since our first week in our new place, so I've been pushing it on some days. Did you see my post about a pen? Yeah.

A week ago, one of the bloggers I read decided to do a 30 day blog challenge, but the actual list didn't interest me. The idea of 30 set things to post about did though so I started looking around for other blog challenges. I didn't really see any I liked until today!

My friend Alicia, over at Completely A-Z found one that I love, and so I'll be doing it with her! It's a very personal list, something I struggle with. I don't like opening up, it makes me feel too vulnerable and that's exactly why I'm going to do it. I decided to shine, after all.

So here is the list.

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.

Day 2: Something you love about yourself.

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living

Day 8: Someone who made your life hell

Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11: Something people compliment you the most on.

Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)

Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without.

Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

So jealous

I'm so jealous of all the people who have gotten professional pictures done. Definitely not the silly overpriced ones at Sears or what have you, but out in the wilderness with a photographer who has a fantastic eye.

I love looking at wedding pictures, engagement pictures, and family pictures that were done by true professionals. So much so that it makes me want to become a photographer. I'll have to look into that as a minor when I go back to school next fall. Hmmm...

If you have pictures like this, please show them to me! I would love, love, love to see them! Even if you see this post a year from it's original date!

And if you're a photographer... let's talk. I'm interested! I didn't do it for my engagement or my wedding, but I would still love some professional couple pictures!!! We are a family after all, even if our only "child" is a cat. :) Although, the cat wouldn't be included, so don't let that scare you off.

What I'm Watching

It's kind of fun to think back and remember all the shows you used to watch, and sometimes laugh at some of your odd choices.

Some of my favorites from the past:

Boy Meets World
Rocko's Modern Life
Ren and Stimpy
Pinky and the Brain
Aaahh!!! Real Monsters
Doug
Sabrina the Teenage Witch
Friends
Charmed
7th Heaven
Clarissa explains it all!
Dexter's Lab
Sailor Moon
Dharma and Greg
Drew Carey!
Alex Mack
Home Improvement
Kenan and Kel

Long list, but those are what I remember! My current list...

Grey's Anatomy
Private Practice
Vampire Diaries (Favorite show!)
Nikita
Pretty Little Liars
Smallville
Cougar Town
Law & Order: SVU
Law & Order: Criminal Intent
House
Castle
Mike & Molly
Family Guy
Mythbusters
Dog the Bounty Hunter

That's about it, I guess. So tell me... what are you watching now? And what were some of your favorite shows growing up?

How lucky am I?

My favorite part of the day, for sure, is crawling into bed with my husband. I love that he is there every single night. I went to bed rather annoyed with him a few nights ago, but then I randomly thought about all the women who were lonely at that very moment.

Lonely women either because they were single, or because their husband was away on business, or on a tour overseas. Lonely for any number of reasons, really. That's when Steve wrapped his arm around me, and I just smiled. How lucky am I that I get to sleep in the same bed as my husband every night? No matter how annoying? :)

"What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love

one another should rest on the same pillow."

~Nathaniel Hawthorne

Give me color!

I've decided that I need to branch out as far as my wardrobe is concerned. 1/3 of my tops are blue. 1/2 are just simply dark colors from black to purple to brown and the other 1/6 are a very small amount of lighter shades like white, yellow and a little pink.

I know I buy the darker colors to try to hide my tummy, but I'm starting to not care anymore. Although, I'm sure that's because I've lost a lot of weight since last year (40 lbs now). :) My smaller clothes that I have kept (which aren't included in the count, by the way) are all bright and cheery shades and I can't wait until I can wear them again.

You're probably thinking I should just go buy more, but that would be a waste of money. I have plenty of clothes that fit that I just don't want to wear. I'm holding out for the color I already own! I'm pretty tired of seeing all these pictures of me in dark, dull colors.

So whenever I see the dark, dull colors of brownies, or cookies, or chocolate cake (mmm!), I just need to remember that I want to have me some color damnit!

I got nothin'!

I was pulling my favorite chair over so I could get on my laptop, and something caught my eye.

One of my old favorite pens was stuck between the seat cushion and back cushion. Score!

It really is an awesome pen.

Old habits die hard

I mentioned yesterday that some old work habits suddenly surfaced. It made me think of some other habits I've held onto from my different jobs.

1. When I'm in a shoe store, after I've been trying on shoes or if I pick up a shoe to look at it, I always put them back the way I was taught when I worked at one. It seems to be universal for all shoe stores.

2. If I change my mind about an item, I never just set it down somewhere random. I always either put it back, or take it to a cashier to put away.

3. The books on my bookshelf at home are in alphabetical order. Manga by title, and the rest by author.

4. My shoes are grouped together by style. Although, most women probably do that...

5. I've picked up personal habits from co-workers, mostly sayings like "yeah, you!" or "Hey lady"

Okay, so only 5 that I can think of right now... but I'm sure more will come to me later. I just won't bore you with them. Haha.

Although, speaking of co-workers and friends... I think it's kind of funny how the more you spend time with a person, the more you become like them. It's strange, but kind of cool. It's not like you do it intentionally, after all.

First Day

Today was my first official day at my new workplace, a bookstore! I had orientation and met some of my co-workers yesterday. Really though, it was just paperwork. I did however make a good impression. :) Which I'm sure in a few months will become a little inside joke with these people. So yay! I made a connection, haha!

They wanted me to learn the cashwrap first, so these first few days I will be cashiering. I pretty much already know what I'm doing, but I find old habits creeping in. Thankfully, I'm able to catch myself before following through or spouting them out of my mouth.

For example... at my previous bookstore, we had old registers from the 80's. No touch screens. Everything was on the keyboard. I find myself about to push buttons that don't exist, or wouldn't work such as "cash," "credit" "reward lookup" etc. Everything at this new bookstore is all touch screen, and it's really easy, I just have to catch myself.

Another example... as I greet the customer, I usually enter my number (sign in type deal for the computer for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about) so I can start ringing up their transaction. I don't have to do that here, unless it times me out. I find myself with my fingers on those two numbers, waiting to push them before every transaction. It's annoying really.

And yet another example... asking them if they have their membership card comes out kind of weird because I have to stop myself from saying the other membership card from my previous bookstore. I sound pretty silly, it's annoying really.

I can't believe that these habits are suddenly there again. Our store closed 8.5 months ago. Yes, I'm counting. It was one of the saddest days of my life. Shush. I've had a job between these two bookstores, but I thought these habits were gone. I mean, my last job was completely different, BUT STILL!

I do like my new job, it's just going to take some getting used to. Everyone seems really nice and friendly with my kind of playful, sarcastic humor, and I did mention that I made an impression upon them. Some have already said that I'm really awesome. :)

It's true. I am awesome, and I'm really going to make myself shine. Everyone likes me when they get to know me, so I might as well let my walls down sooner, rather than later.

"It gets better" project

Some guy high up in the Mormon church said some things recently that has the GLBTQ community on fire. As well, the 6 recent suicides from gay bullying. I just don't understand why people have an issue with the GLBTQ. Especially Christians. Not just the Mormons, but Christians in general. The bible teaches us to simply love. Love everyone, and don't judge. Judgment is for God, and God alone.

Jesus says in John 13: 34: "³⁴But I am giving you a new command. You must love each other, just as I have loved you."

If you know anything about Jesus' love, you know that His love is pure and whole, and He loves everyone. He often went out of his way to show love to those being persecuted, and who got no respect. Prostitutes, tax collectors, etc.

I have no doubt that if He were here today, He would again go out of His way to show love to this community. While I know some of my fellow Christians share this belief, there are others that refuse to listen to the teachings of Jesus Christ. They pick and choose what they want from the bible, and they take it literally.

I am not gay, but I am an ally, and a Christian one at that. To the loved ones of those teenagers, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you've already heard about and have joined the "It Gets Better" project. This project is about telling those who are being persecuted/bullied for being gay, lesbian, bi, transgender, or questioning or even just being different, know that life gets better. It really does. This project is about letting you know that there are people out there who have gone through this, are going through it and you're not alone. There are so many support systems here in the U.S. despite all the homophobes, or anti-gay people. Even if you don't have an actual place to go to because you're in a small town, or for whatever reason, get on the internet, or pick up the phone.

I feel so sad that these kids took their own lives because they felt like they were alone, because they didn't have anyone telling them that it gets better. People are cruel and judgmental, but they are also compassionate and accepting. You just have to find them. You just have to reach out, and someone will be there who understands you and who can help you.

I wonder how the bullies are feeling, and I hope that they learned to be more compassionate.

Below is a video of the people who have started this project. If you visit their channel, you'll see thousands of other uploads, just trying to spread the message that truly "it gets better." Anyway, I love this project and just wanted to share it.

Sorry it’s been so long… we moved

I know it's been a while. I've been busy. And lazy. I also partly blame my dad though because I want pictures of his retirement to go with this post, and he has yet to email them to me.

September 18th: We left for Utah with high hopes. It was a good drive, until dark. That's when the deer decided to show up. LOTS of deer. We stopped in the next town because of this. Rawlins, WY had some big college game going on and so all the cheaper hotels were booked. We ended up staying in an overpriced room because we didn't really have any other option.

September 19th: We arrive at CC's and spend some time with her and her mom. I stopped by a bookstore and dropped off an application. We learned to play Farkle and Apples to Apples thanks to CC.

September 20th: I went to a fake interview. The company is stupid and doesn't know how to manage its system. They ended up blowing me off. The rest of the day we went looking at apartments. We looked at about 12 different ones. Some were an immediate no. In the end, we were interested in three, but could only afford one.

September 21st: We called around to other places to see if they allowed cats. Most of them said no. We called around asking if they had any one bedroom apartments opening soon. Most of them said no. We called around asking for our price range, most of them said no. We then spent the rest of the day doing job apps.

September 22nd: We decided on the one we have now and got our deposit down, then did job apps the rest of the day.

September 23rd: We flew to Virginia - stressed about being jobless, but happy we found a place to live and excited to see my family!

September 24th: My daddy had his retirement ceremony. He's accomplished so much that I didn't know. I'm very proud of him, and I feel like I'm letting him down even more by being unemployed. I feel like I'm disappointing him by not having my degree already. I love him to death, and I want to make him proud. I also got to see all of my family. My grandparents, my aunts and my cousins. I got to meet my newest cousin (JW) for the first time. He's a handful, haha, but what toddler isn't? We just hung around my parents' house and had dinner outside. It was a nice day.

September 25th: (Our anniversary) We went to the beach and took family pictures. I know my grandparents are all about the bloodline, but I always feel bad when they don't include step-mom, and now Steve. After pictures Steve, AW and KI got in the ocean. I would have too if my swim suit fit properly. It was just a little too snug, so I wore a dress over it. Instead, I took turns with my aunts holding JW up in the waves. He had a little bit of rash, so we couldn't let him sit down and get sand in his diaper. He really seemed to like it! My grandparents, aunts and cousins had to leave early though to drive back to Ohio. So after saying goodbye, Steve, AW and I started collecting seashells. The ones we kept are in a little dish by my bathroom sink. My parents went to a play later that night, and I helped AW with her homework.

September 26th: We went to Busch Gardens. We went on a bunch of rides, ate dinner and then the Halloween event started at 6. First, we went to a little Halloween musical show that lasted about 20 minutes. Then we started walking through the haunted houses. My little sister apparently scares easily. She refused to be first or last. She had to be in the middle. The people that work there know that the scared ones are always in the middle though, so they really focused on her. She giggled like crazy when they would follow her or one of us. It was a lot of fun!

September 27th: Step-mom got super sick. Throwing up all day, so we decided to just hang around the house. Steve and I were worn out from everything happening since we left South Dakota, so we needed the break.

September 28th: Steve got super sick. Throwing up all day. Step-mom was feeling quite a bit better though, so after AW got home from school, the three of us went shopping for her first homecoming dress. Daddy wouldn't let her go with the boy that asked her, because the boy wanted to do the whole dinner/date thing. Our dad is very protective of his girls. Daddy made his super awesome ribs that night too as promised, and they were delicious. I felt bad that Steve didn't get any, but it was better for him not to. He was still throwing up after all.

September 29th: We flew back to South Dakota. 10 hours. It sucked. Steve was better though. Waiting for our last flight, my phone rang. The bookstore wanted to interview me on Friday. I told her I wouldn't be there 'til Saturday, and she said she'd make an exception for me.

September 30th: We went to the post office to do a change of address; went to the bank to open an IRA account for Steve's 401K; went to NB's to say goodbye and pick up a few things; stopped by my work to pick up my last paycheck and say goodbye again to my girls there; picked up the uhaul; emptied our storage unit; and emptied our room in his parents house.

October 1st: October already!? Got up around 7. Left at 8:30. Jasmine was not happy. She was meowing very loudly. She panted from time to time. I gave her lots of extra love whenever she started freaking out. After the first half an hour, she was fine. She'd meow from time to time, and I'd pet her and she'd be fine. She kept switching between our laps and her own seat in the middle. We got to CC's again at about 830. She wasn't there so we went to bed pretty early.

October 2nd: Got up and went to my interview at the bookstore. She loved me! I was so happy and excited! She said she just had to do the formalities of checking my references and such, but that she wanted to get me into orientation as soon as possible! Yes! After that, we went to our apartment, signed the lease, handed over a huge check that would cover our whole lease. They wanted all of it because we were unemployed. I had to borrow money from my dad. But hey, no interest! We're going to pay him back the money we would normally being paying for the rent. So it works. We got our keys and moved in. We started at about noon and we were finished by four. So we took the truck back to U-haul. AG was able to help with a few things before ZG woke up. After that, Alicia babysat our truck in case of thieves by playing with ZG in the grass. Thank you AG!

October 3rd: We unpacked 80% of everything. We were so sore from the previous day from the heavy lifting and all those stairs. Those stairs aren't much a few times a day, but 50 bajillion times, they are torture. Tylenol was our friend. We also got a few groceries. Cold stuff mostly that his mom couldn't pack for us.

October 4th: Finished unpacking and since then we've mostly just been vegging out. Me waiting for my job to start. Steve doing more applications. We passed one of the places Steve had applied for, and decided he would go in the next day to talk to them.

Steve got the job after going in. He started yesterday. It's a temporary job, but they should have permanent positions opening up in a few weeks. If not, this job should last long enough for him to do more apps and find a permanent position elsewhere. Please pray he finds a good permanent position soon!

I know it's long. That's what we've been up to.

Steve Drew This