Goodbye, 2010

There's just a few hours left of 2010. I have no idea what 1910 was really like. I'm sure those alive in 2110 will have no idea what it was like to be here now. That thought really puts life in perspective. All the stupid little stuff just seems even move stupid and insignificant. And that makes me wonder why resolutions are so hard to keep for just about everyone who makes them.

Is it really so hard to get off the couch and clean your home?

Is it really so difficult to just do that 30 minute work out?

Is it really so inconvenient to just say yes when asked to do someone else a favor?

It's not. Just think about the time you waste watching tv, reading, playing video games... whatever. Your book will still be there when you're done. If you have a DVR, so will your TV show or movie.

My goals, not just for this year, but for my life in general won't be easy to accomplish. I know they are going to be a battle. I know I won't be successful right away with all of them. Sometimes I may even cheat and that's okay so long as it's not a common occurence. Some days are just bad days, but those days don't need to lead to a downward spiral. That's the most important thing I need to remember.

I'm going to keep my home cleaner. Specifically, my kitchen table. I throw everything on it. Steve does too. It's always a mess.

I'm going to become healthier. I'm going to eat less junk food. I'm going to eat more whole grains, fruits and even vegetables. I'm going to ride my bike at least 4 times a week. I'm going to actually workout too. When it gets warm again, I'm going to walk to and from work.

I'm going to read more. I'm going to read more of the classics, too.

I'm going to forgive, and move on. I'm going to control my temper. I'm going to walk away when I'm upset, and come back when I'm less emotional.

I'm going to see how long I can go without eating fast food. When I finally give in, I'm going to see if I can beat that goal the next time around and so on, until I no longer eat it at all.

I'm going to quit being lazy in the kitchen. I've already done really well, but I am going to use even less prepared items.

I'm going to blog more.

I'm going to install and start using my webcam to connect with friends and family that I am so far away from.

I'm going to build up my savings. I'm going to stop worrying about money all the time. God always provides for us. Everything always works out okay in the end.

I'm going to tell my husband how much I love and truly appreciate him more often.

I think those are some good things to get me started. Let's see how it goes! Here's to 2011!

Lucky. This time anyway!

I am so tired of getting ahead, just to be knocked back down.

Steve's car broke down Tuesday on his way home. He was on the interstate, and his car suddenly shifted down, and wouldn't go back up. He took the next exit and tried coming home on Main St. so he could go slower. He ended up pulling into a parking lot as his car slowly died. Lights, engine, everything.

We had it towed the next day to Midas and thankfully, it wasn't the alternator like we thought. It was the battery, the negative cables, and an alternator cable that was pinched.

Still, it took the $200 I was going to send to my dad this week to start paying him back. *Sigh* Hopefully, we can start paying him back soon. I'm thinking any money we get back from taxes will go straight to them, assuming nothing else happens of course. *Knock on wood*

A weekly ritual

You may recall my cat... Jasmine?

Yes, her. Yes, she often sleeps with her tongue sticking out.

She doesn't really like those plastic balls that jingle. She doesn't really like any plastic balls. She loves Christmas bows though. We have 2 floating around our apartment.

My friend NB bought her own cat some crinkle balls. They are shiney, colored foil balls. They are "crinkle balls" because they make that crinkle sound.

I thought maybe Jasmine would like them too so I bought a pack of four for like a dollar. She loves them. She bats them around like crazy, and gets sad when they all disappear - and they ALL disappear eventually... under the oven.

And so it is our weekly ritual to stick the broom under the oven to push them out. She anxiously awaits their return, as you can see.

Merry Christmas to you!

Christmas day we slept in a bit. We had already opened our presents. My in-laws were extremely generous and we are very grateful. My family as well. (Who are in Mexico by the way, instead of visiting their daughter. Yes, I am bitter, but not because they are in Mexico.)

So we got jackets, video games, candies, jewelry, a gift card to olive garden, towels, totes, a cookbook stand, toy helicopter, money... you know... stuff we need, as well as fun extras.

We had a little bit of an early dinner. Ham, mashed potatoes with gravy, and corn. I forgot to get dinner rolls and Wal*Mart was closed by the time I remembered. Oh well. Then we went site seeing.

For the record... No. Neither Steve nor I are Mormon. Not to be offensive to my family and friends that are... but it's kind of annoying when people ask just because we go somewhere or live in a certain state.

We went to Temple Square in Salt Lake City to look at all the pretty lights and nativity. I went a few years ago with my parents, and I wanted to share it with Steve this year. It's very pretty.

Sorry in advance that the pictures are kinda bad/blurry. Maybe next year I'll get that camera they keep advertising that is good for "low light settings."

 

 

The actual temple

 

 

Baby Jesus!! <3

 

Hope you all had a merry Christmas!

Major breakdown

Sorry for the lack of posts... I've been busy, and I haven't wanted to get online either.

This has been a bad week for me. I completely broke down on Thursday shortly before I needed to go to work. I had it pretty much together until I got there and someone asked if I was okay, and I lost it again. My boss pulled me into his office to talk to me. Took me five minutes before I could get a word out.

I'm pretty sure there is something seriously wrong with me. I don't know what it is though. I'm scared. I can't really afford to go to the doctor. I'm not sure what kind of tests they will want to run, but I know I can't afford it and we have no health insurance.

I have been looking into it, but I don't think we'll be able to afford it. With no extra spending at all, we make just enough to stay current on our bills and be able to get gas and eat more than just ramen. I'm still looking for another job or a different job. At the same time, I'm hoping I can get into a lead position when some of the girls go back to school next month.

I just don't know what to do. I know I need to see a doctor, but I don't want to get behind on a bill, especially a medical bill. I'm just so frustrated, lost, and scared. I'm also annoyed. I'm losing patience. Steve wants to be in the Air Force and yet he is being uber lazy, and not working to get there. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of his lack of motivation. I hate this waiting game.

On top of that, our apartment managers sent us our lease renewal of 14 months. Or a month to month for $150 more every month. It's ridiculous. And if we don't renew by Thursday, we have to pay to get our carpets cleaned because they're stupid. They never told us that you have to get your carpets cleaned before lease renewals. I'm really getting tired of these managers. They left out a lot of things, as well as fibbed about a lot of things like how well the heating works.

IF Steve gets his act together, gets in the Air Force and we have to move, that means breaking our lease and paying a large sum of money to break it! Ugh! I hate it! I'm sick of this place that we are in in our lives.Waiting games suck!

Planned Parenthood

I don't have medical insurance right now since Steve and I both started new jobs when we moved to Utah. I'm on the birth control shot depo provera and was due for my next one so I called around to see where I could get it the cheapest - since I'd be paying out of pocket.

It was pretty much the same everywhere, except that they all wanted me to get a Well Woman check. I just had one in August (when we had insurance) and so I didn't want to PAY for another. One clinic said to go to Planned Parenthood since none of the clinics in Utah will accept my records being faxed to them from another clinic. Funny thing is, I had already tried their website, and it didn't give any indication that there was a Planned Parenthood in Utah.

Anyway, we got the number from another clinic, called and asked if they wanted my medical records faxed over since I didn't want another exam, but they didn't need it. I thought it was weird. We went in yesterday, and I filled out a quick form with my contact information and then I went back to the exam room. She got a brief medical history, and after approval, gave me the shot with no proof of anything from me!

I don't think I like their policies.

When I first started Depo Provera, I had to take a pregnancy test. I was told that if I missed a shot outside a certain two-week window, I would need to take another pregnancy test before they could give me another shot.

I just simply told her my two-week window, and she accepted it! What is wrong with them?! People lie! I didn't lie... but that doesn't mean other people don't lie!!! I know they are an organization that wants to be there for people, but still! I like that about them, but still!

I can't wait until we get insurance again. I guess I like stricter policies. I'm really not sure why it bothers me so much... but it does. What are your thoughts?

101

This is post 101! That's a lot... I would have mentioned it in my last post, but I don't think that the very first post counts. At least, not with my blog because it was really just a very basic idea for my blog. So here is celebrating 100 posts! Woot! I can't imagine reaching 1,000, but I'm sure I will someday.

Maybe 1,000 will be my 5 year goal? I don't know.

I'm glad to say that I have regular readers though. At least 10... that's pretty good I guess considering I've only recently started sharing my blog. I was originally writing for myself and felt awkward sharing... I still do, but it's nice that people read my blog and add their insights, a simple comment or to let me know that they are going through the same. It's lovely and makes my day brighter.

I'm not sure what to keep posting about. I'm not sure what is interesting to read... if I'm interesting at all. Haha.

Any ideas?

Star Puzzles and Dr. Spencer Reid

(Agent Prentiss is playing with a star puzzle)

Dr. Reid: What is that?

Prentiss: A star puzzle. Basically impossible to figure out. You have to fit all of the pieces back together to form a perfect star, but the origin of it is kind of a romantic tale.

(Everyone stops what they're doing to listen)

Prentiss: There was this young prince who wanted to win the heart of the fairest maiden in the land, so he climbed to the top of the tallest tower in the kingdom and he caught a falling star for her. Unfortunately, he was so excited that he dropped it and it smashed into all these pieces.

(Dr. Reid examines a piece)

Prentiss: So he frantically put it back together again to prove his undying love to her, and he succeeded and they lived happily ever after.

Reid: That doesn't make any sense.

Prentiss: What do you mean?

Reid: You can't catch a falling star, it would burn up in the atmosphere.

(Everyone looks at each other incredulously)

Prentiss: Yeah, but it's not literal Reid, it's a fable.

Reid: But there's no moral. Fables have morals.

Prentiss: Okay, so it's just a romantic little story. The point is it's basically impossible to do(Reid completes the puzzle in seconds) because you have to take all of those pieces and put them together exactly...

(Dr. Reid sets the completed star down on the table)

Prentiss: There's a lot to hate about you Dr. Reid.

Morgan laughs.

Rossi: Play poker with him sometime.

Morgan: Try playing chess with him..

Garcia: Or Go

(Prentiss scoffs, and Dr. Reid continues reading his book)

-------------------------------------

Love, love, love Dr. Reid. :)

My older sister had one of those star puzzles. It really is quite easy to do

Amazing Deals!

I looked through the ads for Black Friday, and Target's caught my eye with Vampire Diaries Season 1 for $12. The problem was the crowds. I did not want to deal with that, but I was willing for so cheap.

Then I was reading random articles a few days later, and I discovered Amazon was having lightning deals the whole week of Thanksgiving. They had certain items for super cheap during specific 4 hour periods that only came around once - with limited supply, of course. Luckily, I discovered the lightning deals just two hours before Smallville Season 9 went on sale. I snagged mine for $9.99 and got free shipping!

Of course, I searched for Vampire Diaries, and discovered it would be on sale on Black Friday at 5:30 AM. How annoyingly early! Ugh! However, I was originally willing to go to Target and fight the crowds at 4, but this way I could go back to bed 10 minutes later. So I got up at 5:25 and bought my copy for $12.99, and again got free shipping! With no tax, I actually got it cheaper than I would have at Target.

I know I need to be saving money, but how could I pass up almost $100 in savings??? Especially on something I would eventually buy anyway? It's my Christmas present to me since Steve got Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood. It's only fair, right?

My printer hates me

My printer has been very difficult. It has never really liked envelopes much, but now when I need it more than ever... it's being a major pain in the neck!

A piece broke inside it. I fixed it with tape. That hasn't been an issue since I fixed it.

But, it refused to print just about every single time because it would falsely claim paper jam, even though it never actually grabbed a hold of the envelope in the first place! So I would take the envelope out from the top, and push eject, then try again and once in awhile it would randomly work.

It prints on normal paper just fine, which I don't need since I'm not in school. I do need it for these envelopes though. Well, I figured out the trick to making it print. It's sad that I had to find a trick in the first place. *Sigh* It's been a very frustrating event. At least I'm done though, and your Christmas card envelopes look nice without my sloppy handwriting. Yes, I know I have good handwriting, but it would get sloppy by the time I was done addressing them all.

Anyway, tonight's a good night! Off to watch my favorite shows! Vampire Diaries... Grey's Anatomy... Private Practice... Nikita... they're all on tonight! Woo hoo!

Oh, Gaia, how I love you

Today, I just want to show off my creativity in a virtual world known as Gaia. I've been inactive in the last year, but I'm starting to get involved with the community again. It's just a fun little forum, well okay not little since there are over 1 million members, but it still seems like very few people know about it.

Anyway, these are just a few of my favorite creations.

In case you can't tell, I like things to be color balanced all around and within the same shades. :)

This first one is my current one. The second one is the one I will be changing to when it gets closer to Christmas. She is supposed to be a young Mrs. Claus, even though she still has white hair. :) The last one is my Christmas avatar from last year and my "secret santa" drew her for me.

Isn't it cute? I love avatar art. Which is why whenever I do draw, that is what I draw.

See? This is something I did for a friend on Gaia. Isn't she pretty?

It's a silly fantasy world, but everyone has their escapes from reality. Gaia is one of mine. I've been a part of Gaia for almost 7 years. I'm one of the originals, and I'm proud of it. It's also where Steve and I met.

Psh, big deal

When I first told Steve about the Christmas cards on shutterfly, he really didn't care.

When I showed him the one I picked, he thought "big deal" with all the sarcasm he has.

When I complained about finding the right wording, he was no help.

He complained when I made us go take pictures at the park.

He was annoyed when Jasmine wouldn't cooperate for our "family" picture, and that we had to take a million just to get one with her looking at the camera. I was annoyed that our Christmas tree wasn't in the background, but it would have to do.

I was super bummed when we got snow on Tuesday because it delayed UPS, and my package was rescheduled for today. FIVE days later because of the holiday. Grrrr... I was excited to get our Christmas cards! Stupid snow!

I opened them right away when they showed up and Steve said... "Wow! They're very very impressive!" and he meant it too. He says he didn't expect much since they were free, but he really, really likes them and now considers it to be his parents' Christmas gift since we aren't doing gifts this year.

I knew it was their normal quality product, which is why I was so excited to see them! I was kind of worried because the site said there was a problem with one of the pictures and it might not print well. They lie! The card printed beautifully! I'm very happy with it and I can't wait to send them out!

I love free stuff!

As you know, for blogging about shutterfly, I got the 50 free Christmas cards. For actually ordering them, I got 101 free 4 x 6 prints! I love free stuff! :) Now I just need to get a photo album to put them in. If only I could win the Sears sweepstakes, I'd be set!

I don't win stuff like that though. I have to earn everything. I dislike lucky people who win stuff. I just think that it's unfair for us unlucky people. The only thing I have ever won in a random drawing type contest is a dog bed at the BX when I was like 13. I tried convincing my dad that it meant we needed to get a dog now. It didn't work. We ended up giving it to my babysitter.

I won a contest in the 4th grade for fire awareness or something. The whole school had to draw posters and I won 3rd place, and got a little plaque. I earned that though. So that wasn't luck.

I've entered a lot of contests whether at school, or a store sweepstakes thing, yeah, I never win. Although, I would rather be lucky in life, than things like that. For example, I'm lucky to have found such an awesome husband so early in my life. I'm lucky that I didn't grow up on the streets. I'm lucky my parents (daddy and step-mom) aren't abusive or psychotic. I'm lucky I was born in a free country. Things like that, yes, I'm lucky. Still, it'd be nice if I could win a big contest just once in my life. *sigh*

Thankful

I am thankful for my husband and all the things he does for me, as well as his unconditional love for me.

I am thankful for my parents, their support and their wisdom.

I am thankful for my little sister. My life at home would have been boring without her. ;)

I am thankful for my step-dad and his new family. He's been a part of my life since I was 4 years old and has been there for me countless times. I'm so happy I got to see him this year!

I am thankful for my friends. Each friendship brings something new and different to my life that makes me a better person.

I am certainly thankful for a roof over my head to keep me warm and safe from the bitter cold of winter.

I am thankful to have working transportation, even if it does take ages for my car to warm up.

I am thankful to have a job. I am super thankful my husband has a full time job, and that we are both able to work.

I am thankful that neither of us has needed a doctor's visit since we don't have medical insurance, as well that we are healthy.

I am thankful that my cat's behavioral problems stopped when we moved, and that she is healthy.

I am thankful for the sun. Even with all of our technology, I doubt we would last very long.

I am thankful for all the colors of the world. How beautiful they are!

I am thankful for chapstick and lotion. I would be miserable without them.

Most of all, I am thankful for God who sent His son to die for me, my husband and all those that I care about. I am thankful that He keeps his hand over me and my new family, and that He has blessed us so much.

Happy Thanksgiving! Have a great day with family and friends, and I will do the the same with Steve and Jasmine. :) If you're going shopping tomorrow... good luck and be safe.

Such A Waste Of Water!

Steve and I have learned something new to ask about for our next apartment. Will we need to constantly (yes, constantly) keep all the water running when temperatures drop below freezing point?

Now, I enjoy taking a little longer than I have to when I shower, so I'm not a water freak or anything... But seriously? It's driving me nuts that we have to leave the kitchen sink, bathroom sink, and bathtub water running. It's only a steady trickle, but it all adds up! I'm just glad we don't pay for water.

It will probably be on until Friday, if not Saturday. Friday's high is expected be around 31, so if it doesn't reach 32, it'll be on all day Friday too! The walls are not very well insulated, so it's actually pretty cold even with our heat all the way up. I'm thinking that's why the pipes have a problem with freezing. It really should be illegal not to tell people these things.

What's on your plate?

I'm not making a turkey for two reasons. 1 They are kind of expensive and there is only the two of us, and 2. The thought of making a turkey grosses me out. I've never made one before, and I've never really helped make one either. I like eating turkey, it's delicious! Making it just grosses me out.

I've been told to have Steve do the gross part and in the future I probably will. I know you can get smaller turkeys, but we're just not going to do it this year. Instead, I'm going to make Honey Pecan Chicken. It's really simple, but really delicious.

We'll also be having mashed potatoes with gravy, green beans with bacon or almonds (haven't decided yet), rolls and pumpkin pie pudding. I thought about making an actual pie, but I don't really care for pie crust. If we like this new recipe, maybe it will become our own tradition to pass on. Normally, we might try a wine, but I still can't drink alcohol for a few more months, and honestly, I don't really care for most alcohol. Instead we got sparkling grape juice. Haha

In my family, we usually eat around one or two with the usual... Turkey, stuffing, cranberry, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, pumpkin pie and pecan pie. We've never really watched football because my family isn't into sports. We may have a few times if we had company over, but for most of them, we didn't. We also watch Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and then some classic movie like the Sound of Music or whatever.

Thankfully, Steve's also not into football so we'll probably just play video games and watch TV all day. My bookstore is closed, and since he's still in training, he gets Thanksgiving off too.

Mostly, I'm curious and I hope a few of you respond. What are you having or making for Thanksgiving dinner? What traditions do you have in your family?

Permanently Moved to Wordpress

I was posting in both places while people figured out I moved over to wordpress.

If you don't have a wordpress account, you can still subscribe by email (and no, I can't see your email). There's a subscribe button on the main page.

http://jessicansteve.wordpress.com

Hope to see you there!

ATMH We're Going To Be Rich

According to my husband we're going to be filthy rich in the future. Steve hasn't figured out how yet, since we don't play the lottery... but he's convinced it will happen.

With that money, we'll have a big house, nice cars and all the video games he wants without having to work much. Ha!

Honestly, it'd be nice if we could win just $250,000. I'd buy a house the right size for us, not huge, but room to grow; new cars without issues; and all new furniture. Then, I could go back to school and only have to worry about the student loans, property tax, utilities and other small bills. Wouldn't that be nice?

He says we'll have it. I agree, but not without the mortgage and car payments sadly.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

I haven't read the series in a while, so I kind of forgot everything that happens. Still, from what I remember, it followed the book awesomely. As well, it ended at a really good point to lead into part 2. I just wish the second part wasn't so far away! Gah!

So that's what we did with the little bit of extra money we did have. All $12 of it went to Harry Potter. I think it's worthy for sure. :) Aren't you happy I don't add spoilers?

Back to reality though. It snowed. It's still snowing. It started around 4 and hasn't stopped. It's supposed to continue all through Sunday too. Luckily, Steve is off on Sunday and he can take me to work. :) If you know me, you know my fear of driving in the snow/on ice. I don't work again until Friday and the roads will for sure be clear by then.

Still... I worry about Steve driving. I know he knows what he is doing and how to handle the car. Problem is, he can't control other drivers and other cars. I'm still in that phase where love freaking sucks because you worry about losing your other half all the time. I pray for his safety daily, and even more so when it's raining or snowing or the roads are simply iced over.

I wonder... how long does it take until you get over that constant fear? If you know, please tell me.

Early Christmas

I was bored today, so I randomly decided we should put our Christmas tree up! It's beautiful! I had it on a color scheme when I first got it a few years ago (blue and silver bulbs with white lights) but since people keep giving us ornaments... it's gotten much more colorful.

Now all I have to worry about is Jasmine getting into the tree. I hope in the last two years that she's learned to leave it alone, but it is a change and she gets curious with changes.

I learned today that taking a "family" picture with her is very tough. This is the best we managed, and her eyes are glowy. *Sigh*AND the tree ended up not being in the background. Arg.

I almost decided not to put the tree up at all this year, but I just love the sparkly too much. I'm not feeling the Christmas spirit simply because we are not buying gifts for anyone this year. Not even each other. I mentioned before how tight we are on money because I'm only getting two days a week. I've decided to look for either another part time job, or just a full time job to replace my bookstore completely. We'll see what I can find. I've already done a few applications. I put one in for a clinic, and I so desperately want it! I would love to be a receptionist and get away from retail!!!

Isn't that sad though? I'm not feeling the Christmas spirit because I can't BUY gifts. I'm rather annoyed with myself. That's not what Christmas is about, but I just love GIVING people things - especially my little sister since I can't be with her. That, and I can't go to my annual Christmas party since we moved. :(

So what about you? When are you putting your Christmas tree up? Are you in the spirit this year?

Cover by Meghan Tonjes

I love her voice. She's finally getting away from her monotone singing, and it's beautiful! I wish I had a voice like hers. :)

Alone

I've been really bummed lately. I miss seeing certain people, if not on a daily basis, such as my family, then at least on a weekly basis, such as NB, SJ, and SH and so on.

NB is hosting another bookstore Christmas party this year even though we've been closed for almost a year now. I want to go. I miss them all. The more I think about it, the more I continue to think that moving here really was all a waste of time.

I need to start looking for a different job. Our sales are down at my current bookstore, and so I'm only getting two days a week. So is everyone else. I've been there for over a month now and just now made enough to cover half of our rent.

As disappointed in myself as I was for working at a "big box" department store, I made REALLY good money with REALLY good hours. I miss it. I miss my co-workers too. They were awesome... except my manager, but I rarely saw her, if at all.

I hate how much we are struggling here. Bill after unexpected bill seems to keep popping up, and we don't have any extra money to put aside to pay back my parents for helping us move here. I knew October would be tough, but I thought by November we'd be back on our feet a little. November is almost over though, and I'm seriously doubting us being able to afford paying rent in February.

On top of our financial problems, I'm just lonely, and it's getting me depressed. Steve is at work all morning and afternoon every day, and goes to bed around 8, so he's not really around either. I'm home alone all day other than the two days I work. One of those days is usually a Saturday when Steve is home. So really, there is only one day per week where I'm not left completely alone. I hate it. I should have tried harder to convince him to go back to South Dakota before we left for Virginia.

ATMH life is awesome

Today, Jessica is not writing this "according to my husband." I am. This is a surprise because I was wanting to do something special for her all day today. So here it goes.

According to me, Life is awesome. Even when life comes across as tough, I see it as nothing more than a challenge to overcome. As a couple, we fight, every couple fights. Its a law of nature, but we get over it. We grow together as a couple and we endure. Love endures all even when it's tough.

I woke up this morning kinda early, and took the opportunity to hold Jessica tight. No kitty bugging us, no kids in existance, no sun glaring through the window. It was perfect. I thought to myself that I am glad how things work out. I thank God for the opportunity to spend time with my wife.

Today we were kind of waiting for a call from her work to see if she was going to have to go in today. She didn't. So now I get to be with her all day and see her face all day. I love it

So there it is. ATM life is awesome. As you read this look at the people around you and realize how much you love them. It will make your day better.

Steve

Christmas is almost here!

Well... 6 weeks away... tomorrow... but STILL! Christmas is almost here! You can hear Christmas music in pretty much any store. All the Christmas stuff is out, as well as the stores being decorated. I love it! It's all so pretty! And sparkly!

I'm still pretty new to the adult world of Christmas. You don't get spoiled quite as much. However, you come to appreciate the true meaning of Christmas, and that's the best gift of all. If you're lucky, you get to go home for the holidays, or have family and/or friends come to you.

In my family, if you can't be together, you get bombarded with Christmas cards, and it's pretty awesome. Even if you can be together, sometimes you still get bombarded with Christmas cards. I love it! Although, I must admit I didn't love it until I started picking out my own Christmas cards. There are so many little box sets to choose from. Very few people just randomly pick one and go with it. You could stand there for hours going through all of them and still not find what you're looking for in a Christmas card.

I've really come to appreciate Christmas cards because all the hassle the sender has gone through to find that perfect set. If you're non-Christian, you don't want scripture, or one that emphasizes the Lord, Jesus Christ. If you are super religious... "Happy Holidays" may not cut it for you even if you love everything else about the card. Or you might love all the wording, but not the picture. So many things that can turn you away from a card. It's frustrating, really. So frustrating, that sometimes you have to settle.

I won't be settling. I've got shutterfly. I first heard about it in a magazine, and then I believe it started popping up on my camera battery packages, but I'm not 100% on that. Point is, their advertising tactics work because it has been on my mind for some time. Thanks to another blogger, I discovered they have Christmas cards and finally signed up for an account! After showing you what they offer... I'm sure you'll want to make your own right away! (And all of their holiday cards are 20% off right now, as well as free shipping on orders of $30+)

Isn't this super cute?! I love it for its childlike quality of the font. If you're one of those people who buy cards, and then print off a little update, then something like the flat photo card "With Glee" would be perfect! You can add it in!

The black of this one makes the little white details, and the red pop. I also love the family initial. It's all very elegant. "Family Wall Noir" will more than likely be a future choice when we have a child. I think it's better suited for a family.

"Sweet and Retro" is another flat card that I'm in love with. I love the different fonts. I love the intricacy of "wonderful time." It's just beautiful and perfect if you just have one picture you want to use.

The folded "Paper Snowflakes" is another winner in my book. The brown and blue is very non-traditional on the Christmas color scheme, but that's why I love it so much! They also have an on-site photo editor. I love the way the brown and blue stand out in the actual photo, and you can use the effects to get a similar look.

There are hundreds of cards to choose from, and you can customize them to say only what you want. No more settling. The best part is you get to show off your fancy-shmancy photos from the year.

I already have mine picked out, and would love to share it with you now, but you're just going to have to wait until they come in the mail. It's amazing, beautiful and awesome! Since we're so far away from ALL of our family, I know they will especially cherish them. I'm excited to get them and send them out!

If you're interested, Bloggers get 50 free holiday cards from Shutterfly… sign up: here!

While this will be my first time using shutterfly, after looking around their website, I can tell it won't be my last. They are pretty darn cheap for prints and have other amazing products too! Calendars, ornaments, personalized coffee mugs... just tons of cool personalized gifts! Grandparents especially like this kind of stuff.

http://www.shutterfly.com/photo-gifts/photo-mugs

Ending the Challenge

I didn't make it all the way through. Looking at the rest of the questions, they are kind of dumb, or short, or they are kind of repetitive, and so I feel like I've already answered most of them.

#19. My view on religion? That's pretty easy, and you should be able to tell from my posts in the last two weeks. I'm a Christian. Extremists annoy me and make me upset no matter which way they are going. Not just Christian extremists, but extremists from all religions. I think religion is a good thing. It brings hope to people, and generally makes the people who have true faith and try to follow the teaching of their church better people.

#20 Drugs and alcohol? I don't believe any type of drug should ever be taken unless medically necessary. Alcohol in moderation is okay, but I can't stand party people who like to drink every night 'til they pass out. I don't like people who like to get drunk every weekend, even if they are responsible the rest of the week. In fact, I think it's pretty stupid to get drunk at all. I think everyone should stop drinking once they get a buzz going. That's just my opinion though.

#21 Best friend in a car accident? Really? Obviously I would be there no matter what the fight was about.. Anyone who wouldn't is shallow and doesn't deserve the friendship.

#22 and #23 I wouldn't change anything about my past. If I did, I might not be where I am with my husband, and I wouldn't wish him away for anything.

#24 Make a playlist for someone and explain. No thanks.

#25 I'm still alive today because God still has a plan for me. As well, I don't do stupid crap.

#26 Yes, I have thought about ending my life. When I was 16 for the same reasons everyone else thinks about it. I felt alone and depressed.

#27 The best thing going for me is my marriage.

#28 We're not ready to have a baby, but we almost are. At this point, we'd most likely go through with the pregnancy.

#29 Something I hope to change about myself? I'd like to be more patient.

#30 I love just about everything about myself. I'm not perfect. Not everyone understands me, and that's okay. Some personalities don't go together.

See. I'm done with this challenge. Day 19 and 20 are about the only days left that I could really make a decent post about. So I'm done. If, however, you'd like me to elaborate on something, feel free to ask.

Joining the Air Force

I'm glad we are living here now. I like living here. Steve likes living here. No, Steve loves living here. I think it may all be a waste of time.

He is trying to get into the Air Force again. He's given up in the past because I've changed my mind. We don't do major changes in our lives unless we are both on board, and I kept changing my mind. Honestly, I still don't want him to join, but I'm going to support him.

I've written before about how I don't want to be a military wife, and the main reason is that I don't want to be separated from him. Having civilian jobs pretty much guarantees he'll be home every night. Being in the military pretty much guarantees deployments. Of course, there's also the beginning stages like basic training, and tech. school.

I'm pretty sure I can handle basic by myself here in Utah, but if I can't go with him to tech. school... I may just have to go home to my parents for that time. Or maybe my grandparents. I bet they'd like that. Hmmm... I'll have to think on that when the time comes.

We have talked about it a lot, and since I'm still uncomfortable with him being in the military, he's going to do 4 years. If it's not working for us after that time, then he'll get out. 4 years is a long time though. That's just a year shorter than our entire relationship, and it seems like such a long time. It seems like I've known my husband forever, and so 4 years also seems like forever.

Thankfully, Steve has to lose 20 pounds in order to join. If he really set his mind to it, he could do it in a snap. I'm having a hard time getting him to work out though. I am pushing him because it's the next stage in our life, and I hate waiting. Part of me is glad that it will take a little longer than it probably should because it's more time for us together. I'm not ready for it to happen tomorrow, but I am ready for it to happen soon.

Day 18: Gay Marriage

Your Views On Gay Marriage

I want to start off by saying that I am a Christian, and I believe in the unconditional love of God and Jesus above all else.

I don't like the Christians that give all Christians a bad name by telling people that God will not accept them and they are going to hell because they are gay. "God hates fags." They are right up there with "Thank God for dead soldiers." It makes my blood boil.

God is loving and accepting. God is the only one who can cast judgment and decide where you will end up in the afterlife. Who are these people to tell you such outright lies?

That being said, I'm all for gay marriage. Marriage was created to cause monogamy, faithfulness, a trusting environment, reproduction, love, care, companionship and more. In a same-sex marriage, reproduction between the two is impossible. Although, I don't think that's quite as important today simply because of the quantity of people now on Earth. There are far too many unwanted children around the world. Reproduction is still vital, but not in the amount we see today.

I believe that everyone should have the right and privilege to have the things that come with marriage. You love who you love. If they are willing to make that life-long commitment, why stop them? It's not a disease, or a mental handicap. It's the way they have chosen to live their life. God loves all of his children. God accepts all of his children. Unconditionally. Shouldn't we?

Day 17: Books, books, books!

A Book You've Read That Changed Your Views On Something

I will honestly say that I don't read "serious" books. I read fantasy. I read a lot of manga. I read biographies.

I haven't read a book that has changed my mind on anything. I will tell you what I've learned. I've learned that you don't have to be an amazing, or even a good writer to become world famous, so long as your story sucks people in. (Stephenie Meyer, anyone?)

I've learned that you don't need to have an original idea to get your books published. In fact, you can damn near plagiarize. (Allison Noel, anyone?)

I've learned that history can be pretty awesome, if it has a love story thrown in for me.

I've learned that I like to peek into the day-to-day lives of others - whether through biographies, or blogs.

I've learned that any subject you can think of, there's a book written about it. Even the wierdest and creepiest things you can think.

Best of all, books are one of the top two ways to learn something. The other, of course, being real world experience.

I love working in a bookstore, because even though I don't read very many genres, especially within non-fiction, I still learn little things by glancing at the back of books I'm putting away. As well, some customers tell me about the books I'm finding for them, or things about the author. It's all very interesting, and I'm realizing how much I love learning. Someday I'll venture out of my three favorite genres, but for now I'll just continue enjoying them.

Eww. Snow.

It's been raining all morning, which is fine. I like the rain. Makes things green. Makes bugs (especially bees) go into hiding. However, I looked out my window a few moments ago, and what do I see? Big, wet, snowflakes. Gross.

I've always disliked snow. It's cold. You have to change your socks and pants as soon as you get inside if you were unprepared for the snow. The messiness of it all is only made worse if it's still not cold enough to stay snow on the ground, but rather slushy, muddy goop.

With the first few snowfalls of the season comes the freezing-your-butt-off days. These days are the first reason I hate winter. I've only ever lived in areas where it gets below zero. However, any day below 20°F gives me sharp pains in my temples. As well, it just makes my face super dry. Dry, chapped skin hurts all around and is super sensitive until it warms up again. Of course, this only happens after prolonged periods in the weather. Thankfully, I no longer have to walk to school, or the bus stop.

My car is old. It's just a few years younger than me. I love my car though. Love, love, love it! My dad bought it when I was 4 years old. He took very good care of it. So much so that technicians are shocked at the shape that it's in. It makes me proud. Still, it's old. It doesn't do well in freezing temperatures. It takes 20 minutes just for it to start blowing warm air from my heater. I use my heater as an indicator of when it's ready to go, because I don't want my car to freeze over or break. When it was here before, and in Idaho, it was always in a garage, so it never really had to deal with the cold the way it does now. I wouldn't whine quite as much if I had a garage now because I wouldn't have to warm it up, but also because I wouldn't have to scrape it off.

When I started driving is when my true disdain for snow and winter began. Snow melts on warm sunny days, and then refreezes over night creating danger, accidents, delays and sometimes death in the morning. I hate icy roads more than anything. I almost slid into a pole once! That was scary. When I was little, my dad hit a patch of black ice while driving to Ohio to visit family for Christmas. Our van ended up in a ditch on its side. I refuse to drive if it's icy. Fortunately, Steve is comfortable on ice. He knows how to handle the car if it starts sliding. I know how to in theory, but I panic if I start to slide. It's torture. I want to live in the southern US where it's warm all year round. I want to live where the whole city shuts down if we just so happen to get a few inches of snow. I just don't want to have to speak any language other than my own, and I shouldn't have to, but that's a whole other post if I ever feel inclined to write it.

While I hate snow with passion, there are a few upsides to it. It's absolutely gorgeous when it sticks to the trees. I don't mean when it rests on top of them, I mean when every side of every branch is covered in it. It's beautiful! It's also an awesome excuse to snuggle even closer with a hot cup of cocoa, and wear fuzzy socks. However, these things do not outweigh the bad, so my contempt for snow remains.

Day 16: Things The World Could Do Without

Someone or Something You Could Live Without

I repeat what I said yesterday.

However, there are a lot of things I think the world could live without:

1. Luxury items. One or two things, sure. But a huge house full of them, no.

2. Cruelty. To each other and to animals.

3. Hate.

4. War.

5. Intolerance.

6. Credit cards.

7. Greed.

8. Lust.

9. Drugs that serve no medical purpose.

10. Temptation.

I could go on and on, but I am going to leave it at that. If you got rid of one of these items, others would automatically go away, but I still wanted to list them. Credit cards may seem silly within this list, but it would make it harder to spend money you don't have on luxury things you don't need. As well, our country wouldn't be in the huge mess it's currently in.

ATMH: It Kinda Costs Less

According To My Husband $60 =/= $60

My husband put some money down on a pre-order for Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood the other day. He told me today that we should put more money on it, so that when he gets it on the 17th, it will be less.

I told him not to because either way it's the same amount, so he might as well just wait until the day it comes out.

He still insisted because then it will be less on the day he gets it. Technically, yes, but I still think it's pointless. He's just excited to get it. It's an early Christmas present.

Day 15: You Can't Take Material Things With You When You Die

Something Or Someone You Couldn't Live Without

Someone... For the rest of my life? I couldn't live without my husband.

Something... For the rest of my life? Probably the internet simply because it's my connection to the world, as well as my entertainment. I can watch TV shows and movies. I can play games. I can talk to friends (phone calls can have weird silences and sometimes force small talk. Small talk is the worst. Ugh.)

Someone... For a few weeks? Well, I don't like being away from my husband. I like sleeping in his arms every night. I like cuddling on the couch while we watch movies. I like making dinner together. I like doing just about everything with him, but I CAN live without him for a few weeks. I'll have to soon anyway, so I don't much have of a choice.

Something... For a few weeks? Well, I could live without everything I have for a few weeks if I had to.

Day 14: Daddy and Jesus

A Hero Who Has Let You Down

I've had two heroes in my life for as long as I can remember, and you know what? Neither of them has let me down.

My daddy is the first. He's always been there for us. He's never done any wrong by us. I mean, maybe typical parental mistakes, but nothing I can think of so they're obviously insignificant. He's smart. He's funny. He's disciplined. He's strict. He's fun. He teases. He lifts me up. He's just my hero.

My second, only because He came to me later in life, is Jesus. He's my savior. He's my everything. He's my best friend. He's just everything. How can someone literally perfect, who only does things for you out of love, ever let you down?

Personal Heater

I don't like going to bed by myself. It seems like a lot of women are like that. I wonder why? I know I like to go to bed together because I like snuggling before I fall asleep. 95% of the time I am freezing! when I'm ready for bed and Steve is like my own personal heater! His body temperature runs higher than mine every second of the day!

I used to have to beg him to come to bed with me when I knew he wasn't ready. Most of the time he fell asleep right away though so I think he just wanted to continue whatever activity (usually video games) rather than stop to sleep. I don't have to beg him anymore. Because of work, lately he has been going to bed before me.

Steve is currently training in his new job, and so he has to be to work by 6 a.m. which means he goes to bed around 9 p.m. Sometimes I don't get off work until 10:30 p.m. so my bed time is around midnight.

I'm loving that I can go to bed when I want and he's already in there with the bed and blankets warmed up! It means less shivering for me! Although, it also means that I can't wake up with him. :( Still, I love being able to go to bed and snuggle with him. It's one of the best parts of being married!

Day 13: Grateful for Music

A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days.
(Write a letter)

I will not be writing a letter. I find it silly. That, and there is no single artist/band to get me through tough days.

Whenever I'm feeling down or depressed, I listen to my current favorite songs. My favorite songs are rarely slow. They always have a quick beat. They always make me feel like dancing. They simply force me to perk up.

I can't even name specific artists or bands that I could ever say "Thank you" to simply because my favorites change so quickly. I haven't had any super tough days for a very long time, and so I honestly can't tell you what I listened to on those days.

However, I will say this. I'm grateful that humanity has created some amazing beats. I'm even more grateful to God for giving us that ability. Music is universal, and I love it!

ATMH: One Last Mission > Sleep

According to my husband one last mission means more than sleep.

He's a gamer. Loves every console there is. He would rather stay up all night playing video games than get enough sleep for work.

He has gotten a lot better over the last 4.5 years though. Now it's 10 - 30 minutes past the bed time he has set for himself. Before, he'd literally stay up all night playing his video games when he could get away with it.

Me? I'd rather get that extra ten minutes of sleep. Still, I do understand. Sometimes it's hard to turn my Sims off when I have something that needs to be done.

Day 12: Plain and Unremarkable

Something You Never Get Compliments On

I don't do much with my hair. Only if someone ends up touching it somehow do they notice how soft it is. That I do get complimented on.

I'm not a trend setter when it comes to fashion, nor am I into fashion. I always wear jeans. I don't wear T-shirts though, and I'm far too young for blouses. I hate that word. Blouse. *shiver*

I don't accessorize. I usually wear the same simple necklace, and usually stud earrings. I don't wear belts, and I think they look retarded when worn OVER a shirt, especially when they sit right under your boobs. I also hate flowers in the hair! Worse when you can tell they are cheap and fake!

I don't wear amazing new shoes everyday. I hate walking in heels. I'm tall enough already, I don't need a heel. I like shoes. I really do. I just don't need a million pairs. I really like ballet flats, but I sadly only have one pair. I'm actually kicking myself for not buying these super cute plaid ones, but they are long gone.

Without showing off any talents I do have, people don't know I have them. So someone isn't going to just walk up to me and say something about it.

And last but not least. I don't get compliments on my body. No one would ever consider me skinny. I'm not considered obese either, but our society has a set image in mind when it comes to beauty and I just don't qualify.

Day 11: I’m Not Stuck Up

Something People Compliment You The Most On

My smile. I don't have a remarkable smile. I think the reason I get compliments on it is because when I'm not smiling, I look so serious and kind of mean. I'm much more approachable when I smile. My friends tell me that before they got to know me they thought I was stuck up. I'm not. I'm just quiet because I'm insecure. I want people to like me, and don't want to be rejected. So I stay quiet. Once you do talk to me though, I smile a lot.

Day 10: Goodbye, Mom

Someone You Need to Let Go, or Wish You Didn't Know

I can't say I wish I didn't know her because up until I was about 14, she was pretty awesome. We fought a lot, but most mothers and daughters do. She fell apart when her second marriage fell apart. This might be crazy to you, but I'm still pretty darn close to my step-dad. He's been a part of my life since I was 4. Just because she was having issues didn't mean I had to let him go, so I didn't. He's amazing and I love him. He's the main reason we went to Montana for a visit this summer.

This post isn't about him though. For the first time in 6 years, I talked to my mom the other night and I got no where with her. Absolutely no where, and it breaks my heart. The only thing I gained from our conversation was a few answers and some closure.

I needed to know if she loved me, and missed me. I needed to know if she ever thought about me. And most importantly, I needed to know how my beautiful, wonderful little niece was doing. Thankfully, she's doing wonderful and has a real passion for God. I couldn't be happier!

Still I got no where. I was able to tell her some of the anger I held with her, as well as let her know that I forgive her. I forgive her of everything, except one thing. And because I couldn't forgive this one thing, she refuses to let the past be the past. She and I can't have a relationship because of it.

It basically boils down to this. She hasn't changed a bit. After our conversation, I emailed her two pictures - one of me and her son-in-law she'll never meet, and one of just me. She emailed me back with "Manipulation... attempt at guilt trip... vague details to try to intrigue me enough to feel bad... Goodbye my Jessica."

While I don't want to let her go, because she is my mom, I am letting her go. She is a part of my past. I went against the advice I was given to not talk to her, but I had to try. I had to try one last time and I did my best. I'm letting her go for good, and I'm giving it all to God.

Day 9: Past and Present Friends

Someone You Didn't Want To Let Go, But Just Drifted

I had to think about this one, because there are a lot of people that I have drifted away from. Most of them unintentionally. I'm a military brat. In my short life with my dad, he moved 4 times. My birth mom moved twice. Really, it wasn't that often, but still enough. Since going out into the world on my own, I have lived in 3 different states.

My best friends in Idaho from when I was younger were AT, RM and RJ. AT and RM, I'm still in semi-contact with through Facebook. RJ and I haven't spoken since I was eleven. We had a huge fight, and I had decided to live with my birth mom in Montana. So I never saw her again.

My best friends in Montana from middle school were AM, MM and SM (none of them are related). AM and I are distant. We're friends, but we're not nearly as close as we used to be. MM and I have basically stayed the same through all our differences. I still consider her my best friend. SM's now in California somewhere, and we don't have much in common these days.

My best friends in Utah from high school were CC and AG. I've always felt like a third wheel with them. They were best friends before I moved there to live with my dad. Still, they've been great friends. Although currently, I think AG and I are just a little closer than we used to be, while the opposite is true with CC. It happens and is certainly fixable. The rest of my friends that I made in Utah... we're connected through Facebook, but not really friends anymore. While I'd like to see them again, I really don't think we'd have much to talk about.

Then I moved back to Montana where I met SH and CL. SH is also another that I still consider a best friend. In fact, she was my maid of honor. I can talk to her about anything, and she gets it. She usually knows what to say to make me feel better, and vice versa. She's mother to my "nephew" whom I adore. CL and I became super close, super fast. It was awesome. However, she didn't like my boyfriend (husband) and so we drifted. In her defense, Steve was pretty much a jerk to everyone except me back then.

My husband (boyfriend) and I later decided to move to South Dakota to be near his family. There, I met NB, TB, MMK, SJ, SJP, CG and ET. Now I'm not close with all of them, but I sure do miss them. Had we stayed, I'm sure I would have developed amazing friendships with these ladies. Maybe I still can with some of them, but I hope I never lose my NB or SJ

I guess I have a tendency to drift away from people as I move forward in life. Now that I'm older though, I plan to make an effort to not lose contact with those that are still in my life. Not only that, but keep the connection deeper than surface level. It'll be a challenge, but I'm willing to do take it on.

Day 8: I’ve Been Seriously Hurt And Damaged

Someone Who Has Made Your Life Hell

My mom, and my older sister. I know what they have done, and they know what they have done. They are no longer a part of my life. I don't talk to many people about it, and it's not something that I think you need to know, my lovely blog readers.

1. I don't want/need your pity/sympathy.

2. It makes me sad and angry.

3. It's part of a past that I'm trying to let go.

Otherwise, I've been blessed to have wonderful people in my life. I was never bullied in school. I've never had a bad boyfriend. I've never had bad friends. Excluding my birth mom and her side, my family is amazing, kind and loving.

Marriage in the media is so wrong

I realized today that there really isn't anything in the media about marriage. Yes, there are wedding shows, but that's all about the wedding day. There are movies about falling in love, and movies about getting married or at least ending with marriage. Then suddenly, it jumps to movies with kids. Those movies are always about the kids!

I realize that once you have kids, your life is pretty much taken over by them, but at the same time, you are still married. You are still two different people. I think a lot of marriages end in divorce because the parents forget to focus on each other and themselves, and not just the kids.

I know that movies/shows about the every day life of a husband and wife would be pretty boring. There's not a whole lot to explore in a happy relationship as far as entertainment goes. Other than jokes and the awkwardness of suddenly sharing everything about you with someone, there's not much to leave an audience wanting more, even if you are the funnest couple ever.

Sitcoms that focus more on the family as a whole, the marriage of the parents is... such a downer to me. The wife is portrayed as smarter, and generally better. She's always the one to chastise him. She never makes mistakes. She can be supermom and have an awesome career without ever getting weighed down. It's so uneven and so unfair.

That's not a real marriage, or at least not a healthy one. You're partners. You both make mistakes. You both get overwhelmed. You both want to have fun. You both need time to yourselves, and you both need time together.

You don't lose your identity because you are married. Yes, things change and you change too. But it's natural to evolve and adapt as your surroundings change. You don't lose yourself to your new role as a wife, or your new role as a father the instant they occur until the day you die, rather you've added a new side to you.

If you feel like you have lost yourself, take some time each day or at least each week to pursue something you love. For me, it's watching silly TV shows like the Vampire Diaries, or reading manga, or editing Sailor Moon into random music videos. (We won't discuss how childish my me-time is.) My husband likes to play his video games, draw and paintball with his friends. We're still us though. We do just about everything together, and we're pretty much a packaged deal - unless it's a girls night, or a friend simply needs him. Even though we are so intertwined, we haven't lost ourselves and that is what makes us stronger. Don't be afraid to pursue your dreams. The best part about marriage is that you have your own personal cheerleader sharing the same bed.

I just hate the way media generally portrays marriage. It's not all about the kids. It's not all about fighting. Not everyone gives up on marriage when there is a lot of fighting. Even if you fall out of love, that doesn't give you the right to chase after other people for the thrill and butterflies of being in love. Once you've been with them long enough, you'll see their flaws too. It's just a vicious cycle. Being in love is great, wonderful, amazing! and there are always ways to get back to that, but you have to know that it's not the only criteria for a happy, successful marriage. There are greater things to be valued - trust, friendship, loyalty, honesty, etc. I wish more people understood this, and didn't give up so easily. Maybe the divorce rate would be lower, and marriage would again hold more value to the general populace.

Day 7: My Number One

Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living

That would have to be my cat, Jasmine.

Just kidding.

It's actually this guy, right here.

I've known him since I was 15. We met on Gaia. It's a forum/game. I fell for him pretty fast. I admit that my initial attraction to him was his looks.

But the more we talked, the harder and harder I fell. I could talk to him about anything and everything, and vice versa. He went through all the crap I went through with my mom with me. I am grateful that he got to speak to her, and my older sister. I three-way called her once so she could "meet" him when I was 16. As much as I dislike her, I still love her and I'm glad she met him.

After I left for college and moved in with my best friend, he came to visit for Christmas. It was when we officially met. He moved in shortly after that, met my parents the following summer, and asked my dad if he could marry me. We got married a year and a half later, and have now been married for 2 years.

We've kind of grown up together. I've seen him at his most childish, immature moments, and I've seen him at his best. He's seen mine. We know each other. We understand each other. We support each other. We love, care about, and respect each other. We're very fortunate to have met so young, and to be strong enough to get through the rough patches as we get to know not only each other, but ourselves individually. We were meant for each other. "'Til death do we part" is exactly right, physically anyway. There's no messing with our bond.

On a side note... if you're thinking about dating online, or using a matchmaking site, please read my tips about safety.

New Feature! “According to my husband…”

Yes, my first feature to appear on a regular basis. "According to my husband..." or "ATMH" will appear weekly on Sundays. They may or may not (usually will be) ridiculous things my husband has come up with. On to our first ever...

According to my husband Facebook has 2 purposes. 1. To brag to friends and family about my cooking skills. 2. To post pictures of things he finds fascinating, stupid, or extremely odd while out and about in the world.

For example:

"Jessica made these a few days ago. They are essentially eggs, bacon and toast all in one. Like a breakfast sandwich, but in muffin form! They were delicious."

Or this:

"I think they are trying to say it's for cats."

He really doesn't use facebook for anything else. What a shame. To his 70 friends... I'm sorry. At least he's not addicted to ridiculous games like Farmville!

Day 6: I Refuse To Bury Them

Something You Hope You Never Have To Do

I hope I never have to attend the funerals of my husband or my little sister.

My little sister is 8 years younger than me, and even if she was just a year younger than me, she's still younger. Therefore, she's not allowed to die before me. I would miss her too much.

For obvious reasons, I can't imagine living my life without my husband. It's one of the many reasons I married him. He's my other half. I love him. I don't think I'd survive if I lost him. He doesn't think it's fair if I die first. Either we die together, or we live forever.

Day 5: Italy… We Will Meet Someday!

Something You Hope To Do In Your Life

This is going to be a really short and simple answer, but it's something I truly want to do. I want to go to Italy with my husband. Our finances won't allow us to go, and I know they won't in the next 5 years. Probably not in the next 10 either, but I really hope we can go to Italy one day.

Day 4: Forgiveness, But Not Trust

Something You Need to Forgive Someone For

Last weekend, I was inspired to try and get in contact with my birth mom. I haven't spoken to her since I was seventeen because of all the things she's done. Mostly, she abandoned me. She chose a horrible, horrible man over me. A man that she's not even with anymore. Yet she still hasn't tried to contact me. I think that I am finally able to forgive her. If she chooses to be a part of my life... even though I forgive her, I'm not sure I will ever trust her again. I keep a close eye on my credit reports because of her. Last I knew of her, she had few morals and values left.

Forgiving her for everything she has done is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Sometimes I wonder if I really have because thinking about her still hurts like crazy.

Day 3: Steve Was Not My First

Something You Need to Forgive Yourself For

Before I met my husband, I slept with someone. I don't even talk to the guy anymore. It was a mistake, and I knew it before it even happened. I let it happen anyway. I wish I had been strong enough to say no. I wish I could have given that to my husband. I like to pretend I did, but we both know the truth. It's not something I can change, but it's something I do regret. I'm not sure I'm ready to forgive myself, but it is something I need to forgive

Day 2: God is Everywhere

Something You Love About Yourself

I love a lot of things about myself. To pick just one, man! Just kidding, k?

I love my ability to see God in everything. I didn't always have that. I mean, I did, I just chose to ignore it I guess. I've finally opened myself up to Him, and as a result, I see Him in everything.

I think I have a strange relationship with God, though. I pray, but not the way most people seem to. A lot of them are more like conversations. I'm not crazy. I don't hear the voice of God in my head or anything, but I feel comforted knowing that He hears me.

I don't feel comfortable being all formal in my prayer like they are in church. I ask for guidance, forgiveness and answers in the same way I suppose, and I thank Him. I respect Him and I'm in awe of Him. I worship Him, and Him alone, but that formality just bothers me. Yes, He's my king of kings, my savior, my everything, but it's a personal relationship between me and Him. Formality is for strangers, and that's not how I see God.

Back to my point, I see God in little things like the leaves changing color or a silly thing like my cat pawing at me for attention. I see Him in the love that I have for the pain in the butt that she is. I see God in a laugh, a smile. I see Him in the bigger things like our decision to move here. I kept changing my mind, but then something small would happen, or someone would say something out of the blue that made me go back to thinking it was where we needed to be next.

I see God in my husband's love for me, and the love I have for my husband. Feeling so secure in that love, and understanding the love we have for each other helps me understand just a little bit better God's love for all of us. Through my husband's love and pure acceptance of me, I have a clearer picture of how God sees me. Within true love there is complete trust. Even in my imperfections there is redemption, grace, and reconciliation. I know my husband will not abandon me, as I know my God will not abandon me.

I know that I will never truly understand why God loves me so much that he would send His son to die for me, but as I get to know Him better, I better understand that love. I'm just so thankful to know Him, and to finally have my heart and eyes open to Him. I love that I see Him everywhere!

Day 1: Afraid to be Myself

Something You Hate About Yourself

Where do I begin? No, just kidding. Although, on bad days, the list can be pretty long. Everyone has bad days where they feel like that. Today is not one of those days though, so let's see...

I hate that I'm so scared to be myself around others. Very few people have seen the real me. I can only think of five people, and I've known them all (except my husband) since I was in middle school.

I'm very silly. I make up my own sound effects. I sing at the top of my lungs when my favorite songs come on. I dance around my apartment, with or without my cat, while I'm cleaning or doing the dishes. I'm witty. I'm clever. I'm quick to pick up on a joke, even though I don't always join in. I love baking and cooking in general. I cry when I'm really happy or excited, also when I'm really sad or hurt.

People don't know these things about me because I don't let them. I'm scared of rejection. I miss the closeness that AM and I had when we lived together because she really knows me and she really gets me. I hate how hard it is to make those connections as an adult.

I wish I knew how to let the real me out. I'm not at all serious, or quiet, or reserved. I love singing and dancing! I love playing games, and going on adventures! I mean, look at how much I have moved. I hate being so afraid

Challenge? Yes, please!

I've been trying to post every day for the last 10 days because I really don't have anything better to do once my husband leaves for work. Nothing terribly interesting has been happening since our first week in our new place, so I've been pushing it on some days. Did you see my post about a pen? Yeah.

A week ago, one of the bloggers I read decided to do a 30 day blog challenge, but the actual list didn't interest me. The idea of 30 set things to post about did though so I started looking around for other blog challenges. I didn't really see any I liked until today!

My friend Alicia, over at Completely A-Z found one that I love, and so I'll be doing it with her! It's a very personal list, something I struggle with. I don't like opening up, it makes me feel too vulnerable and that's exactly why I'm going to do it. I decided to shine, after all.

So here is the list.

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.

Day 2: Something you love about yourself.

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living

Day 8: Someone who made your life hell

Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11: Something people compliment you the most on.

Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)

Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without.

Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

So jealous

I'm so jealous of all the people who have gotten professional pictures done. Definitely not the silly overpriced ones at Sears or what have you, but out in the wilderness with a photographer who has a fantastic eye.

I love looking at wedding pictures, engagement pictures, and family pictures that were done by true professionals. So much so that it makes me want to become a photographer. I'll have to look into that as a minor when I go back to school next fall. Hmmm...

If you have pictures like this, please show them to me! I would love, love, love to see them! Even if you see this post a year from it's original date!

And if you're a photographer... let's talk. I'm interested! I didn't do it for my engagement or my wedding, but I would still love some professional couple pictures!!! We are a family after all, even if our only "child" is a cat. :) Although, the cat wouldn't be included, so don't let that scare you off.

What I'm Watching

It's kind of fun to think back and remember all the shows you used to watch, and sometimes laugh at some of your odd choices.

Some of my favorites from the past:

Boy Meets World
Rocko's Modern Life
Ren and Stimpy
Pinky and the Brain
Aaahh!!! Real Monsters
Doug
Sabrina the Teenage Witch
Friends
Charmed
7th Heaven
Clarissa explains it all!
Dexter's Lab
Sailor Moon
Dharma and Greg
Drew Carey!
Alex Mack
Home Improvement
Kenan and Kel

Long list, but those are what I remember! My current list...

Grey's Anatomy
Private Practice
Vampire Diaries (Favorite show!)
Nikita
Pretty Little Liars
Smallville
Cougar Town
Law & Order: SVU
Law & Order: Criminal Intent
House
Castle
Mike & Molly
Family Guy
Mythbusters
Dog the Bounty Hunter

That's about it, I guess. So tell me... what are you watching now? And what were some of your favorite shows growing up?

How lucky am I?

My favorite part of the day, for sure, is crawling into bed with my husband. I love that he is there every single night. I went to bed rather annoyed with him a few nights ago, but then I randomly thought about all the women who were lonely at that very moment.

Lonely women either because they were single, or because their husband was away on business, or on a tour overseas. Lonely for any number of reasons, really. That's when Steve wrapped his arm around me, and I just smiled. How lucky am I that I get to sleep in the same bed as my husband every night? No matter how annoying? :)

"What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love

one another should rest on the same pillow."

~Nathaniel Hawthorne

Give me color!

I've decided that I need to branch out as far as my wardrobe is concerned. 1/3 of my tops are blue. 1/2 are just simply dark colors from black to purple to brown and the other 1/6 are a very small amount of lighter shades like white, yellow and a little pink.

I know I buy the darker colors to try to hide my tummy, but I'm starting to not care anymore. Although, I'm sure that's because I've lost a lot of weight since last year (40 lbs now). :) My smaller clothes that I have kept (which aren't included in the count, by the way) are all bright and cheery shades and I can't wait until I can wear them again.

You're probably thinking I should just go buy more, but that would be a waste of money. I have plenty of clothes that fit that I just don't want to wear. I'm holding out for the color I already own! I'm pretty tired of seeing all these pictures of me in dark, dull colors.

So whenever I see the dark, dull colors of brownies, or cookies, or chocolate cake (mmm!), I just need to remember that I want to have me some color damnit!

I got nothin'!

I was pulling my favorite chair over so I could get on my laptop, and something caught my eye.

One of my old favorite pens was stuck between the seat cushion and back cushion. Score!

It really is an awesome pen.

Old habits die hard

I mentioned yesterday that some old work habits suddenly surfaced. It made me think of some other habits I've held onto from my different jobs.

1. When I'm in a shoe store, after I've been trying on shoes or if I pick up a shoe to look at it, I always put them back the way I was taught when I worked at one. It seems to be universal for all shoe stores.

2. If I change my mind about an item, I never just set it down somewhere random. I always either put it back, or take it to a cashier to put away.

3. The books on my bookshelf at home are in alphabetical order. Manga by title, and the rest by author.

4. My shoes are grouped together by style. Although, most women probably do that...

5. I've picked up personal habits from co-workers, mostly sayings like "yeah, you!" or "Hey lady"

Okay, so only 5 that I can think of right now... but I'm sure more will come to me later. I just won't bore you with them. Haha.

Although, speaking of co-workers and friends... I think it's kind of funny how the more you spend time with a person, the more you become like them. It's strange, but kind of cool. It's not like you do it intentionally, after all.

First Day

Today was my first official day at my new workplace, a bookstore! I had orientation and met some of my co-workers yesterday. Really though, it was just paperwork. I did however make a good impression. :) Which I'm sure in a few months will become a little inside joke with these people. So yay! I made a connection, haha!

They wanted me to learn the cashwrap first, so these first few days I will be cashiering. I pretty much already know what I'm doing, but I find old habits creeping in. Thankfully, I'm able to catch myself before following through or spouting them out of my mouth.

For example... at my previous bookstore, we had old registers from the 80's. No touch screens. Everything was on the keyboard. I find myself about to push buttons that don't exist, or wouldn't work such as "cash," "credit" "reward lookup" etc. Everything at this new bookstore is all touch screen, and it's really easy, I just have to catch myself.

Another example... as I greet the customer, I usually enter my number (sign in type deal for the computer for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about) so I can start ringing up their transaction. I don't have to do that here, unless it times me out. I find myself with my fingers on those two numbers, waiting to push them before every transaction. It's annoying really.

And yet another example... asking them if they have their membership card comes out kind of weird because I have to stop myself from saying the other membership card from my previous bookstore. I sound pretty silly, it's annoying really.

I can't believe that these habits are suddenly there again. Our store closed 8.5 months ago. Yes, I'm counting. It was one of the saddest days of my life. Shush. I've had a job between these two bookstores, but I thought these habits were gone. I mean, my last job was completely different, BUT STILL!

I do like my new job, it's just going to take some getting used to. Everyone seems really nice and friendly with my kind of playful, sarcastic humor, and I did mention that I made an impression upon them. Some have already said that I'm really awesome. :)

It's true. I am awesome, and I'm really going to make myself shine. Everyone likes me when they get to know me, so I might as well let my walls down sooner, rather than later.

"It gets better" project

Some guy high up in the Mormon church said some things recently that has the GLBTQ community on fire. As well, the 6 recent suicides from gay bullying. I just don't understand why people have an issue with the GLBTQ. Especially Christians. Not just the Mormons, but Christians in general. The bible teaches us to simply love. Love everyone, and don't judge. Judgment is for God, and God alone.

Jesus says in John 13: 34: "³⁴But I am giving you a new command. You must love each other, just as I have loved you."

If you know anything about Jesus' love, you know that His love is pure and whole, and He loves everyone. He often went out of his way to show love to those being persecuted, and who got no respect. Prostitutes, tax collectors, etc.

I have no doubt that if He were here today, He would again go out of His way to show love to this community. While I know some of my fellow Christians share this belief, there are others that refuse to listen to the teachings of Jesus Christ. They pick and choose what they want from the bible, and they take it literally.

I am not gay, but I am an ally, and a Christian one at that. To the loved ones of those teenagers, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you've already heard about and have joined the "It Gets Better" project. This project is about telling those who are being persecuted/bullied for being gay, lesbian, bi, transgender, or questioning or even just being different, know that life gets better. It really does. This project is about letting you know that there are people out there who have gone through this, are going through it and you're not alone. There are so many support systems here in the U.S. despite all the homophobes, or anti-gay people. Even if you don't have an actual place to go to because you're in a small town, or for whatever reason, get on the internet, or pick up the phone.

I feel so sad that these kids took their own lives because they felt like they were alone, because they didn't have anyone telling them that it gets better. People are cruel and judgmental, but they are also compassionate and accepting. You just have to find them. You just have to reach out, and someone will be there who understands you and who can help you.

I wonder how the bullies are feeling, and I hope that they learned to be more compassionate.

Below is a video of the people who have started this project. If you visit their channel, you'll see thousands of other uploads, just trying to spread the message that truly "it gets better." Anyway, I love this project and just wanted to share it.

Sorry it’s been so long… we moved

I know it's been a while. I've been busy. And lazy. I also partly blame my dad though because I want pictures of his retirement to go with this post, and he has yet to email them to me.

September 18th: We left for Utah with high hopes. It was a good drive, until dark. That's when the deer decided to show up. LOTS of deer. We stopped in the next town because of this. Rawlins, WY had some big college game going on and so all the cheaper hotels were booked. We ended up staying in an overpriced room because we didn't really have any other option.

September 19th: We arrive at CC's and spend some time with her and her mom. I stopped by a bookstore and dropped off an application. We learned to play Farkle and Apples to Apples thanks to CC.

September 20th: I went to a fake interview. The company is stupid and doesn't know how to manage its system. They ended up blowing me off. The rest of the day we went looking at apartments. We looked at about 12 different ones. Some were an immediate no. In the end, we were interested in three, but could only afford one.

September 21st: We called around to other places to see if they allowed cats. Most of them said no. We called around asking if they had any one bedroom apartments opening soon. Most of them said no. We called around asking for our price range, most of them said no. We then spent the rest of the day doing job apps.

September 22nd: We decided on the one we have now and got our deposit down, then did job apps the rest of the day.

September 23rd: We flew to Virginia - stressed about being jobless, but happy we found a place to live and excited to see my family!

September 24th: My daddy had his retirement ceremony. He's accomplished so much that I didn't know. I'm very proud of him, and I feel like I'm letting him down even more by being unemployed. I feel like I'm disappointing him by not having my degree already. I love him to death, and I want to make him proud. I also got to see all of my family. My grandparents, my aunts and my cousins. I got to meet my newest cousin (JW) for the first time. He's a handful, haha, but what toddler isn't? We just hung around my parents' house and had dinner outside. It was a nice day.

September 25th: (Our anniversary) We went to the beach and took family pictures. I know my grandparents are all about the bloodline, but I always feel bad when they don't include step-mom, and now Steve. After pictures Steve, AW and KI got in the ocean. I would have too if my swim suit fit properly. It was just a little too snug, so I wore a dress over it. Instead, I took turns with my aunts holding JW up in the waves. He had a little bit of rash, so we couldn't let him sit down and get sand in his diaper. He really seemed to like it! My grandparents, aunts and cousins had to leave early though to drive back to Ohio. So after saying goodbye, Steve, AW and I started collecting seashells. The ones we kept are in a little dish by my bathroom sink. My parents went to a play later that night, and I helped AW with her homework.

September 26th: We went to Busch Gardens. We went on a bunch of rides, ate dinner and then the Halloween event started at 6. First, we went to a little Halloween musical show that lasted about 20 minutes. Then we started walking through the haunted houses. My little sister apparently scares easily. She refused to be first or last. She had to be in the middle. The people that work there know that the scared ones are always in the middle though, so they really focused on her. She giggled like crazy when they would follow her or one of us. It was a lot of fun!

September 27th: Step-mom got super sick. Throwing up all day, so we decided to just hang around the house. Steve and I were worn out from everything happening since we left South Dakota, so we needed the break.

September 28th: Steve got super sick. Throwing up all day. Step-mom was feeling quite a bit better though, so after AW got home from school, the three of us went shopping for her first homecoming dress. Daddy wouldn't let her go with the boy that asked her, because the boy wanted to do the whole dinner/date thing. Our dad is very protective of his girls. Daddy made his super awesome ribs that night too as promised, and they were delicious. I felt bad that Steve didn't get any, but it was better for him not to. He was still throwing up after all.

September 29th: We flew back to South Dakota. 10 hours. It sucked. Steve was better though. Waiting for our last flight, my phone rang. The bookstore wanted to interview me on Friday. I told her I wouldn't be there 'til Saturday, and she said she'd make an exception for me.

September 30th: We went to the post office to do a change of address; went to the bank to open an IRA account for Steve's 401K; went to NB's to say goodbye and pick up a few things; stopped by my work to pick up my last paycheck and say goodbye again to my girls there; picked up the uhaul; emptied our storage unit; and emptied our room in his parents house.

October 1st: October already!? Got up around 7. Left at 8:30. Jasmine was not happy. She was meowing very loudly. She panted from time to time. I gave her lots of extra love whenever she started freaking out. After the first half an hour, she was fine. She'd meow from time to time, and I'd pet her and she'd be fine. She kept switching between our laps and her own seat in the middle. We got to CC's again at about 830. She wasn't there so we went to bed pretty early.

October 2nd: Got up and went to my interview at the bookstore. She loved me! I was so happy and excited! She said she just had to do the formalities of checking my references and such, but that she wanted to get me into orientation as soon as possible! Yes! After that, we went to our apartment, signed the lease, handed over a huge check that would cover our whole lease. They wanted all of it because we were unemployed. I had to borrow money from my dad. But hey, no interest! We're going to pay him back the money we would normally being paying for the rent. So it works. We got our keys and moved in. We started at about noon and we were finished by four. So we took the truck back to U-haul. AG was able to help with a few things before ZG woke up. After that, Alicia babysat our truck in case of thieves by playing with ZG in the grass. Thank you AG!

October 3rd: We unpacked 80% of everything. We were so sore from the previous day from the heavy lifting and all those stairs. Those stairs aren't much a few times a day, but 50 bajillion times, they are torture. Tylenol was our friend. We also got a few groceries. Cold stuff mostly that his mom couldn't pack for us.

October 4th: Finished unpacking and since then we've mostly just been vegging out. Me waiting for my job to start. Steve doing more applications. We passed one of the places Steve had applied for, and decided he would go in the next day to talk to them.

Steve got the job after going in. He started yesterday. It's a temporary job, but they should have permanent positions opening up in a few weeks. If not, this job should last long enough for him to do more apps and find a permanent position elsewhere. Please pray he finds a good permanent position soon!

I know it's long. That's what we've been up to.

Steve Drew This